It does sound like a very co-dependent, enmeshed, and even passive-aggressive relationship. First you kick her to the curb (which -- for the record -- I think was the RIGHT thing to do), and then you apologize to her and tell her that you won't do that again?? WTF????
It sounds like your wife is having an affair -- again. What are your boundaries in this regard, and did you communicate those to her after her LAST fling with this guy? Seems to me you need to figure out just how much you're willing to put up with, and then learn to lay out -- and enforce -- your boundaries. If it were me, and there were no kids involved????
... I'd kick her to the curb and pack her stuff and leave it on the porch.
