2il,and GIMA I understand your concern for the kids. I really am thinking of everything in terms of its impact on the kids. And that includes their living in an unhealthy situation where two people are smouldering with anger towards each other.
Imagine growing up without any memory of your Mum or Dad being affectionate towards each other? Or speaking very little to each other? Or showing no interest at all in each other?
I think I`m at the point of seeing separation as a better place for them. Just so long as it can be fairly amicable.
And hopefully, when he has them all to himself during visitation he might become more actively involved in their lives.
Plus maybe letting our WAS go will make them realise we`re not going to put up with their nonsense. We value ourselves more than that. It`ll give each of us space to work on our issues and to GAL.
I found Melanie Beatties books-Beyond Co Dependency and Co Dependent no more really useful. Her Letting GO book seems to be more of a daily reflection on the ideas in the previous two book. Useful, as I keep needing to go over those lessons again and again but I would be inclined to buy Beyond Co Dependency first. It really helped me realise that you don`t have to be married to an alcoholic to have an unhealthy relationship and that I have a part to play in our Crazy Dance.
always had difficulty deciding anything so he`s stuck at the moment.
I think for all of us, no matter what the outcome there is a wonderful life rich in possibilities ahead. I think we all need a good therapist to help us look at the reasons we`ve ended up in an unhealthy relationship so we can learn from those mistakes.We`re in recovery.We`ve got to mind us. Plan yourself lots of fun things for this week end 2iL. seems like H is using the threat of S to control you.
Be ready to thank him for making a decision and acknowledge that you know that is difficult for him and keep reminding him about putting the kids first in all of this.
