I agree with you on this point, but wonder why has it become a stage for him to express his anger? The previous MC session went well. He took some baby steps & did not act angry. In the session before that one, he was lashing out as well. It's hit or miss. Sometimes I wonder if we should even go to MC.
It really depends on where he is with this....And you don't know that. Until the anger wears down, it will be a stage that he can use. The less YOU talk R with him, the more he will, cause that is the only avenue he has to vent on you.
MC is your call too....My W and I went to one, and I saw that she was going to use that stage to blame me for everything from a flat tire on the Pope-Mobile to the Blizzard of '96. I quickly told her that it was her choice , but I didn't feel she was ready to address the issues fairly to me, therefor it would be a waste of time at this point to go.
It may be more healing for him to go to IC for a while to sort through things for himself, although he will never admit he has any problems.
Maybe you could suggest that you each see the C independantly for a few weeks before you have the room together.
Originally Posted By: stillloveshim
I think one of the reasons DBers are advised and advise each other to avoid the R talk because the more one person says it's over to the other spouse, the more it seems to become real and sinks in. Stop letting him say it.
Yes, don't give him the chance to answer . Look, This is simple....DON'T ask a question if you are not prepared for the answer....STOP ASKING.....Thats why I think that MC is pushing him away.
Most in this situation say these kind of things to re-enforce THEIR position.....they are trying to convince themselves, not you.
If he spews it again ? Validate
Example....I understand that is the way you feel.
You can't assume you are dealing with a rational person right now....
Originally Posted By: Hopeful in VA
I'm trying to look at things from other people's points of view. I am trying to realize that I am not always right. I am trying to listen better and not make assumptions. I am trying to put other people's needs above my own. I am choosing to have a joyful spirit and see the beauty in all things. Starting with my family - trying to just enjoy each day as it comes. I am trying to be patient with people and realize things don't have to get done my way and in my time. I think before I speak. I try not to say anything just to say it, only if there is a benefit (example no reason to criticize). I am trying to stop worrying about the little things & just let things roll off my back. I am careful with my tone & thinking about whether or not there is any underlying meaning to why I am telling someone something (H says I give him guilt trips)
One of these is a little more important than the others.....wanna take a guess ?
There is no try.....only DO THE WORK ....
As Forrest said earlier.....not trying to be mean, just expect YOU to do the work to be better....
