I second everything ITH says. My H, too, took months to get to the point where he could say ILY regularly. He too would often say it in the 3rd person (still does, occasionally), or reference me loving him, etc. Also, periods of connection were followed by periods of distancing for months. But remember, they do need the distance in order to process their changes.
Part of my H's MLC was that he didn't want to feel he was with the last woman he'd ever be with (I think), and after coming back he still felt he wanted female "friends" for awhile. It took about 8 months before he came to the recognition that if he shared his emotional feelings with others instead of with me, it took away from our relationship. At that point he stopped depending emotionally on some of the female friends he'd made during his MLC.
And I totally agree that the only way to get past this is to act as if--to "hold onto" yourself so that you can remain upbeat and hopeful, without becoming too caught up in his mood swings. Also, it's a good idea to give yourself some space--evenings to yourself, etc--to focus on YOU.
By this point, you know what you want in a relationship, and it includes open communication, and it's frustrating and disappointing to have the opposite at the moment. But never lose sight of what your ideal relationship will look like, and gradually it will start to take on that shape.
