If I had to guess I think your W is still having an affair of some sort and IMO you are making things much too comfortable for her. She has her comfy house, her doting husband, her financial needs met, can bitch and complain about you and the M all she wants because you take it and she gets the fun of the OM. I dont suggest an ultimatum because those rarely will work in your favor but in a way, your actions are telling her that the affair, while not great is acceptable for now.
I would stop with the gifts, dates and any other perks that marriage brings.
Yes, this advice is golden.
Quote:
Let her know that living like roommates is no longer acceptable to you. If she considers herself separated than perhaps its time to take some steps to make that legal - that will mean finances, living arrangements, child custody and so on. Right now she is way too comfortable being separated because nothing is really different for her. Again, that is just my opinion but right now you have made things far too comfortable for her to proceed forward in any way (working on marriage or proceeding with a separation or divorce).
The above is golden- and something I'd wished I had said but couldn't have said it so well.
Also, you had asked me how long I'd been done before I told him? Things had been bad for three years. I clearly remember the night that I knew I was going to tell him I wanted a divorce. When it really hit me I wanted to leave him. It was something silly to do with the kids and him not ever sacrificing for us but I woke up the next day and said to myself "He's never going to be different- he's never going to put me and the kids before himself ever"
I'd had a life altering thing happen to me a few months before the affair. I know I've mentioned that my life was dysfunctional but I did have one person in my life that put me first- my grandmother. I had a hysterectomy one week- and she died suddenly the next week. Heck, he didn't even want to give me time recoop from the hyst- much less grieve for my loss.
See, because I'd been through so much pain over the years and kept going- everyone thought I didn't need that- ohhhhh Kitty is so strong- she can make it. In reality- the only person who'd ever put me before themselves was gone from this earth- and what was I going to do?
Sorry, I got sidetracked.....but I was done for a bit before I told him. Kept trying to find a nice way to tell him.
