I think this interaction still follows the script (as Bill pointed out). How she responded was in response to how well you took the news.
I don't think I'd cling to, "I'm the one that knows my wife". Your perceptions are clouded by your feelings. Those of us that have experienced this (and I experienced the long distance EA thing myself)are sitting her thinking, "this is the first step. The cat's out of the bag. She'll move more definitively in one direction now (further away from you and closer to the guy)". I think you should consider what you do when the e-mails and texts continue. We both know that her saying a year ago that she wanted a divorce does not give her license for an affair...even though you've basically said that it does give her that license. Her actions spoke overwise...so this is even more hurtful.
Consider this: What are you going to do if the e-mails, ILYs, texts, and sexual innuendos continues? Sit back and wait for her to work through it? I didn't hear anything definitive in your talk. Did she agree she wouldn't do anything more unless you were divorced? Did she say she'd push for immediate divorce? Or did she kind of imply that she'd see where things with OM goes and kind of let you know? Not a great proposition for you.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
