Moving house

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Julia,

Sorry you are 'fuming'.. although I'm not sure why exactly. You may be placing too much importance on these interactions with him and I can hear the expectations in your post? Perhaps you are hurt.. becuase he is now saying he is getting booked up... making it clear in yuor mind that he is getting on with his life?

I feel I want to say this to you, as your friend.. I think you should let go. Really let go. You are only 26 and I cant see how this ongoing situation is healthy for you in the long run? I mentioned "framing" to Mish and my C said that to me about bf.. I needed to reframe him as he actually is, not how I wanted to see him. Funnily enough, I am more able to do that now we are back together. Your H appears to have moved on, BUT does want to remain your friend. Thats how I frame him.. but I am at a distance. How do you have him framed in your mind and what does your intuition tell you?

I dont see anything bad in his email to you..As for your stuff.. I think you should move it yourself. Even now me and bf are back together I have ZERO expectation that he will help me pack up this house and move out, even though we are now a couple again and this is all our joint furniture. I dont think you have the right to expect him to help you move and I cant see how it would help your goal to get him to want you back.. I feel it may make him feel a little resentful in fact. Be a strong, independent woman, who can cope and doesnt 'need' him and sort out moving all by yourself. How about if he offers to help, say, no its ok, I can manage thanks, but it would be lovely to go for a catch up drink sometime instead??

Friends is what you are aiming for and friends shouldnt put unrealistic expectations or obligations on each other.. if they are happy and willing to help you move house and turn up, all well and good.. but most friends dont do this.. they just come to the house warming party afterwards !!

Ok.. 1. If your life revolves around him and things are left to the last minute, thats your choice and your responsibility and not his fault. He isnt responsible for your feelings anymore as he did when you were a couple. If a friend cancelled lunch because of a work thing, would you be fuming? No, you'd say, hey, hope it goes well, catch up soon...

2. It IS all about him for him, because you have split up and are no longer a couple. If you cant afford to move.. get your friends/family to help out with car loads, or hire a cheap van (£35 a day is typical)?

3. I think the follow up text was possibly because he has left a weekend free and booked a van and as its now Friday and you hadnt replied.. he needs to know if he is or isnt moving his stuff out this weekend. I dont feel that he was pursueing you, I think he just wants to know if its ok or not. I dont think you will gain anything by not responding to it by saying yes it is, or isnt ok for him to come move his stuff this weekend.

I'm sorry it still gets to you, I'm not surprised.. it always got to me. I realised I'd never really let go and be ok about it until I fell in love with someone else. So I do understand.

xxxx