My W and I have been together two years. Like all couples we've had ups and downs, but more to the extreme sides when they happened. We'd be overyly happy when we were happy and ready to call it quits when it was bad. We had a very codependent R.
My W left last sat, while i was at work. When i got home everything was gone (almost everything). She had packed everything up the night before when I got home and had threatened to leave then, but we talked - she actually initiated the talk and seemed to want me talking her into staying - and she stayed obviously. She had said she was going to stay before I left for work and was very affectionate when she dropped me off and said I love you.
I know now she had it planned, and i've come to grips with it. But later that nite after i had returned home and found her gone, she txtd saying how she screwed up, was sorry and wanted to come home. We talked again on sunday and she agreed she was coming home monday morning (she actually had a friend pick her up and take her 2 hours away). She then called again at 1am Monday morning bawling her eyes out how badly she wanted to come home, and i was very supportive saying i'm not mad and i forgive her for leaving and i want her to come home.
Long story short, we had a bit of a blow up when she kept putting off leaving monday and then had to take the dog to the vet because it broke it's leg (yes it really did break it's leg). She stopped contact with me, and like any hurt lover, i pursued her for the next 9 hours repeatedly with calls and texts, all with no reply. That's when i realized i needed to put the DB techniques back to work.
I stopped all contact with her for a day and a half. I then txtd her letting her know I called business that owed her money and they said they were going to mail us her check. She responded and then i asked about the dog (yes i know pursuing). Finally i said it might be easier if i could just call as I had a couple other things i wanted to ask her. she agreed relunctantly. After being very civil and upbeat, she even commented on it, I asked if this was it and she said she thought so. I asked what happened that it actually came to this, and she said she needs her independence and that i never really seemed to understand her.
Instead of arguing I tried validating her, without overly apologizing. The conversation was mixed as she was annoyed that she had to talk to me so I asked how the other dogs were doing, she took all four. We made small chit chat and then I said I'm going to let you go, i have to be somewhere shortly. She said she was stopping by this weekend to pick up a couple things she forgot, and agreed to bring back a few things she took by "mistake."
Later that nite, i looked back at the phone records and found all day tuesday she had an 8 hour txt fest with someone she was romantically involved with the first 7 months of our R. He was a type of sugar daddy to her at the time, and her being fresh out on her own i'm sure she needed some money. I was hurt and angry so I sent an email letting her know how little i approved of what she was doing without letting her I knew about the OM, in a less then DB'ing manner. I informed her she wasn't supposed to call, txt, stop by, not did i want to see her again. I left it at that.
Thursday, she started txting what my problem was and what she did to me to p*ss me off. I didn't respond. She called in the afternoon which i didn't answer. She texted me to grow up and just answer her. Finally, she called at 10pm which i then answered. She asked what she did wrong and I just said that i was frustrated and regretted sending it to her. She said she didn't deserve the email and that she knew that i was a better person then that, which i am. I apologized and let her that i'm not like that and that it's not something i'm going to do again. She said she still wanted to stop by this coming Sunday to pick up her stuff. I said alright. The convo had went from tense to much more civilized very quickly by me not reacting to her prods.
While we were talking, she had said she understood i was frustrated and she said she was confused too (duh). Also,if she didn't care, i doubt she would have taken the initiative to bother talking to me. So now here i am. planning my next move.
I'm trying to get motivated to do stuff for myself, as we had been so codependent on each other for so long it is hard to remember doing anything just for myself.
I did work out this week, something i haven't done in 6 months. Also i plan on going out and pulling weeds in the garder later today. I also may try and paint the living room in the next two days before she gets here to show her I haven't been laying around moping and feeling sorry for myself.
Just needed to vent, and let this process of DB'ing begin, with this as an outlet for my frustration along the way that i know i will encounter. I need all the support i can get.
