A new thread, a new outlook.....

[PositivelyMommy]

Oh Kev,

Here's the 2x4 coming your way.

I see what happened. She was mad when she walked in. Though I tried to give you strategy, I don't think you quite understood what I was going for.

She was defensive so the LAST THING you wanted to do was to be accusatory. But that is what she heard when you asked her what she wants to do abt next week. As in, 'I have this problem, I miss Weeman, what are you going to do abt it?'

I know that's not what you meant, BUT this is what she hears from her DEFENSIVE mode.


How about the validating her feelings part? You missed that part. That part would have softened her up. Would have let her know that you heard where she was coming from. But you missed it.

Then you mentioned how much you miss Weeman, she heard it as 'See what you are doing here, I miss Weeman very much because of what you have done.'

Then you panicked and went into persuasion mode. Big time. She shut you down.

Then you panicked even more and went into pursuing mode. She saw the 'spending time as a family together' as 'OMG, he wants to get near me again, he wants to get back together!'

So she pushed you away because she doesn't want to be persuaded/pursued therefore the comment about being uncomfortable with you around. She is trying to push you away so you wouldn't pursue anymore.

Sorry mate, I tried to help. But I think you couldn't help yourself with the persuasion. I told you she doesn't want to be persuaded that what you had to say was a good idea.

It HAD to be her idea. Otherwise it wouldn't fly. That's why I asked you to be QUIET.

We need to go back to basics here. No pursuing. You are happy with your life. No more hinting about spending time together. She is extra extra sensitive about the two of you at the moment.

I imagine she will be in major withdrawal for awhile.

What you have been doing in the past was great. But you lost focus last night. You gave her the impression that:
1) you blame her for things
2) you want to spend more time with her
3) that she is being unfair to you in regards to visitation with Weeman

Again, you need to pull RIGHT BACK.

Don't kick yourself. Learn from this experience and move forward. I keep telling S9, you can't change the past. (Unless you invent a time machine.) This always brings a smile on his face when he kicks himself for doing something 'bad'.

So pick yourself up off your feet, put a smile on your face. Stay focused. Enjoy your time with the little man. Today is a new day!