It sounds like everything is going really well, and you are a lot closer to having things be back to "normal" than most of us at that stage in piecing. In fact once you got back together, it seems like things started moving very quickly.
From my own experience I have to say that I can count on 1 hand, maybe 2, how many times H has said "ILY" since I moved back in-and it's been 7 months. I remember Pisces, when she got back together with her H, also said that he never said "ILY", even though he would say other things showing that this is what he meant. In my H's case he says things about himself in the 3rd person sometimes, like "he loves you", and he often makes reference to me loving him. I know each sitch is different, but the inability to completely share these kinds of feelings seems to be a common thread. My point here is, don't let the words-or lack of them-throw you off.
Also sometimes they go back to being a bit distant. If it's any consolation, I am seeing this less and less, but it's only over the last 3 weeks or so that I have felt comfortable saying that the distance issue is mostly over. So in all likelihood you will get there, you will get to the point where he won't have these "episodes" or maybe he will and you will feel more secure in the fact that they really do have nothing to do with you. I know your BF was a walkaway, and I know that he was with another woman, but he has been through a lot to get to this point where he is back with you. You yourself have said that he doesn't have a history as a womanizer. I wouldn't assume that there is anything at all with this 22 year old. Sure, maybe she's pretty and a great girl, but he has chosen you.
What I had to do in my case was to retain a bit of emotional distance for quite some time. I don't mean to say at all that I actually got to the point where I was OK with the distance and thought it was easy to handle, but I got to the point where I felt that it was helping me move in the right direction. By emotional distance I mean not really talking to H about feelings, and certainly not showing any emotion when he did things that made me insecure. Of course it's not healthy to be an emotional robot indefinitely, but I really found that by giving this emotional space, there was less of a risk of my H demanding physical space again. I was leaving him to process his own issues, without adding mine to his shoulders. Is it fair? No, but it does seem to work and the end result is worth the initial frustration.
Anyway I think you are doing really well. Just keep in mind that it may not be smooth sailing for awhile, but at least you're on the right course!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
