Thank you so much for your thoughts and insight. I did have that same thought yesterday....about having a successful night at a work related event and came home to an empty place and I think it was difficult. I just couldn't get myself really going today. After a long time, I slept in this morning till almost 9am! I have not done that in over 2 months....and then I did a little unpacking and then just lazed around today. Then again around 9pm, I started unpacking the last of my stuff.
It is true that everyone that knows me and H are totally shocked at our situation. I, myself, was shocked....I would never have thought this was an option for us.
I am sure some of what I saw last night was the "picture" that most people work so hard to show.....esp. in public.
This is an opportunity for my R to grow stronger and no matter what, an opportunity to know my own self better. I always used to spend time by myself. I have never been a person to be in the midst of a ton of people....I have just a few friends that I really count on.....and I am lucky to have found so many new ones during this time.
It is hard to be patient some days. I have days where I just want an answer RIGHT NOW! I feel fed up....like, I don't deserve this kind of treatment and I feel outrage right now at being treated this way.
And I don't know what to do with that....there seems to be nothing I can do or tell H and so that just leaves working on me....But, today, I just needed a break. What I thought was - in 2 weeks, my life is about to change as I start a 80 hr. work week. I should just enjoy this time. Who knows when I will ever have this kind of time.
Also, yesterday found out my dad's biopsy came back positive for prostate CA....he has been in remission for 10 years, but its back. And they want to act quickly...by July the docs want him in surgery or radiation.
Life is so short and its humbling when I think about it like that. Its like life hands you all these little stumbling blocks to help you truely understand and be true to yourself....because at the end of the day......as my dad said to me, "You are born the same way you go, on your own. There should be true solace in that - if you live your life being true to your conscious/self."
I have been given a great opportunity to appreciate this concept.
Kenn.....you have such a way of getting me right to where I need to be....thank you...thank you. No words can really express....
