"I guess so, but there is not supposed to be any R talk...and me telling him something that I don't like, would be taken as a criticism no matter how I phrase it. I guess I don't understand what I should be communicating to him that I haven't already."
Talking will not help you much.
What I really want you to do is read what you just wrote.
Just what I quoted. Now.. when you don't understand something what should you do?
What if communicating with him.. did not involve your mouth at all?
Think about it. I know it is hard. But the best thing I could do for you is help you understand. It will be a "light bulb" moment for you.
"I don't understand - he already said it before she asked him to turn & say it to me."
The "gun" reference was to help you understand where he is. When people are backed into a corner they do all kinds of weird things. Take a sample of your life from the past 30 days. Have you done anything weird? Let me say that I was a Semi-LBS. I have worn your shoes. Been to MC and all that. MC was bad for "us". It never ended well. It made me more desperate. If we flip that.. what would you guess he is feeling?
"I forgot to mention something here. First he said (trying to be funny) - she's probably cussing me out in her head. Then he said I can't tell. I think he was EXPECTING me to be angry, but when I kept my composure & wasn't AND I wasn't even looking sad, it threw him off."
So... I was right? He is still looking back. That is all he has. You posted.. so you are no longer looking back. Again.. read what you wrote.. and what "Worked".
"I don't know - any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Sometimes I feel like this whole thing is one big riddle & I'm not good at riddles!"
I have been accused of speaking in riddles. And some of this may seem that way. When some one says "I don't know" at work.. what should they follow that statement up with? (BUT I will find out?) So again.. we point back to "research" what will help?
"I've tried to offer the option of staying married to me & me making changes. I don't know what else there could be??? Once again, any suggestions or examples?"
He will have to make changes to. This is the flaw in your statement. You can't carry this relationship on your own. You have proved that. That is why you are here. You both can grow from this.. poop. Someone has to lead. You got my vote just simply by posting. How can you lead this "stitch" to a better place.. without sacrificing you? That is the question you need to answer.
"I was just happy that I achieved my goal."
"- H thinks I ALWAYS have to get my way."
More of the same maybe?
If your goal was to "strip away the argument". Yes you won.
If your goal was to "show some love". I would question that.
"I agree"
Who has forgotten the most?
"I don't know"
You can't go on what you have heard. You can't look back.
Why is the man that wants to leave... not gone yet?
"He has said he knows I love him & would do anything for him...on the other hand, controlling, inflexible, probably selfish, condescending, cold"
Is this you? Do those words resemble you?
"Loyal, honest, loving, compassionate & trying to change the inflexible, opinionated, selfish part"
It's hard to do with all the "stuff" coming at you isn't it? Can you be that.. with all that is coming at you? Is that who you really are? Was it attractive at some point to "someone"?
"I think it starts by acknowledging that my dreams were not "our dreams"
Wrong.. you fail.
"I'm willing to sacrifice alot, I'm willing to give 100%"
OK you said it.. are you sure?
"I also wanted to mention that when he said I am more assertive now"
I am not sure this is great thing. Please be assertive when you are being "run over". Pick your battles.
"P-burg ?"
10 North.
"Forrest, Was it the unicorns?"
Are you making fun of my Unicorn?
When I am riding my Unicorn.. your wife is posting.
HVA.. don't take what I say as "hard" as it seems. My only goal is to make you think. I want you to think "outside" the box. I want you to answer the questions. I want you to stand out.
Now....
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
