Over the Shock and GALing 5

[Thinker]

Another day of quiet detachment - with a pleasant evening. I keep reminding myself "The Romance is Dead! Work on the Partnership! Focus on yourself" I am finding that it really helps me, and I have used it a couple of times today to bring my wandering mind back from bad areas. It keeps me from either pursuing or wandering toward codependent controlling-type behaviors.

My W asked me to go out this evening - casual. We had a sitter for the kids (wonder of all wonders) and went out and got a sandwich at a coffee shop and then decided to go see "The Hangover"

As we sat down at the coffee shop, my W announced that she had talked to her C today, and had decided that we should start joint MC again, and if it was OK with me, we should start the week after next (I am traveling for business next week). I was surprised and said OK and confirmed the date and time. I asked if, since the first appointment was not for two weeks, there was anything she wanted to talk about more urgently, and she said no and I didn't pursue it further.

Twice in the past few months we have started joint MC at my request and both times we stopped it at her request because it was too stressful for her (too much pressure!). There was no way I was going to ask again, so her making the decision is at least a positive sign. This could mean anything however. I refuse to let it raise my expectations - just keep doing what I am doing.

During the dinner, I proposed a new distribution of the household responsibilities - me taking on a larger (and probably more fair now that she was also working more) portion of some of the duties. This was my response to the discussion we had several days ago about how unhappy she was with our current habitual arrangement. She looked happy and relieved and agreed.

The rest of the dinner was a bit strained - light conversation, but my W looked very stressed through it. The movie was HILARIOUS (if you liked "Old School"...), and was right up both of our line of humor, so it was a good break for both of us. The walk home was again strained. I was feeling (and maybe projecting) the distance between us emotionally, and I could see clear signs of stress on her.

I know that a big portion of her stress is coming from worrying about her mom's cancer. I also know another portion comes from being near me a setting that is all romantic - a restaurant of any kind, a walk at night, etc.. Not sure how much of her stress is which.

So now we are home and once again doing our own things. I'm giving her space as I would a friendly roommate.

I think I'll go read a bit.