WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

Well, I'm saying she says those things to get a reaction out of you- to get your pity- your attention etc. She wants you to feel guilty again.

She needs a fix- she makes you feel bad- she feels good. Make sense? When you feel guilty it's like she's getting a shot of some drug she needs.

Have you researched personality disorders?

Kittyfish,

I haven't researched personality disorders, but I think from tonite's conversation with her, I don't think that she will be able to make me feel guilty any more.

One of my boundaries has always been if I'm being treated fairly. I had always thought she had, right up to dropping the bomb on me. Although in hindsight, I had some resentment building up in me over the last few years. I had noticed everytime there was something that was wrong or if I made a comment asking why something wasn't quite right, it was always my fault. I actually told her at one point that I felt that she always twist things around to my fault so I felt that there was no point in even me making a comment.

In retrospec, I should have quieted the little boy in me and we should have talked that one out, instead of "pouting" and not making any comments/talking for a while.

Anyway, I know I made a mistake of not waiting till a little later before calling her. I was just floored as I felt like she had lied to me in yesterday's conversation about what was going on relative to the divorce legal stuff.

I'm sure she is fuming right now and really wants me to just sign the paperwork to get this over with. I had thought about calling her, but know that there really isn't anything to say while we are both this worked up.

I'm sure she will call her lawyer tomorrow to get this straight. I asked her that I do want a copy of his request to the court to cancel the hearings as we had agreed.

This is exactly why I tried for the two of us to reach agreement on custody and child support before she moved out. I didn't want this muck to keep us at opposite ends. A divorce is about distruction and confrontational. I knew that we can't rebuild a relationship that way. I tried to be respectful and straight forward, but I do have to draw a line when I feel like I'm not being treated fairly. I will NOT compromise my NUT.

I had the boys call her tonite to say goodnite. At the end, I got on the phone and just said "Have a goodnite". She just hung up without saying goodnite.

What's the real shame about this is that we were on a speaker phone, so my 7 year old said why didn't she say goodnite. That wasn't very nice. I just shrugged and said, let's watch our show so we can get ready for bed.

Another thing that my 7 year old mentioned was how he and my 3 year old had been asking about coming back home early or visiting me, and she kept saying no. I asked him how it made him feel. He said sad. I told him that I would love for him to visit/see me anytime and he shouldn't be afraid to ask because he is worried that the answer may make him sad.

I guess Stuck was right, it does get worse....