ok nothing new, not arranged a day w H yet, dont know if I should or just leave it and let him get back to me (eventho he's already mentioned it like 3 times). Let it go for today. Too much on my plate to be worrying about it or him.
Been working on essay today and got some done, never seem to get as much done as I want to! Setting too high of expectations I think. Had a nice evening with 2 friends, but gotta get to bed so not tired for work tomorrow! Plan on doing more essay writing tomorrow, fun fun. But almost done, about 2 more weeks.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
Just getting caught up on your sitch... Kinda eerie the similarities... both H's want another meeting and we don't really know what to expect or how to prepare. I thought Kara had some great ideas for you. If you get a chance, look at what 25 wrote on my thread as well... good stuff.
Take care and get your rest! Sounds like you're wearing yourself out!
Well I text back a forth couple times with H today, I said I am free x and x this week. He said, he can't do those days, its a nightmare(meaning that we are both busy?) and sorry. He said he can give me a call instead maybe?
Venting... My first reaction is that I feel angry. I feel like I have be 'down graded' from seeing him face to face to just 'worth' a phone call, like he is so busy in his new life and doesn't want to make any room for me. It seems like the more I don't see him the more I am out of his mind. I thought that if I did see him maybe he wouldn't be able to forget about me so easily, he seems to be trying real hard. I know I am reacting very emotionally mostly bc I am very tired and stressed. But I feel like saying back, 'I will just transfer the money, then you dont have to see me' Ok so I am just venting here so maybe I can get on with my work bc now I am distracted.
I feel like asking what day can you then? grr...
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
I haven't heard anything from H, I keep going between angry and a 'whatever' attitude. He said he couldn't meet last night then on his fb he posted he was 'bored bored bored' yeh, real busy, can't meet...right. more and more sounds like an excuse. I could try to figure out why, but every time I get drawn in I think...'Stop, don't waste your time, you will never know.' Just gotta keep doing that now til I can do it automatically...
Been stressed out this week still. I finished my 1st essay and submitted it online just now. SO glad that is done and over with. Now I need to focus on the 2nd one that is due next thursday, I dont expect the pressure to let up until then, and the last thing I need on top of this is to worry about H and all his sh*t. I have even been considering that if he does call I may not answer, I am stressed out enough.
I had a terrible night last night, I was really upset for most of the night and crying. I don't know what hit me but something did. This always happens when I am tired and stressed, I don't feel as strong and have nobody to lean on w.o H for support. I know I can do this, I have before, its just harder without any help from anyone.
I signed up for a daily devotional to be sent to my email every day, I read some of those through my tears last night and that seemed to help some. And then I wrote in my journal.
Gosh, I had more to say but lost my train of thought so I'll leave it at that tonight....
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
Found out yesterday that I passed my video assessment yey! was so glad to get the news and a pretty good score too! So all my focus needs to go onto the last essay now...(not H! been doing ok at this, need to do better)
H text tonight, same old stuff how am I, that we should meet and catch up(does this sound familiar, broken record, like the 4th time he's said this but then backed out!) and that he is busy (he likes to let me know he is busy everytime he texts)
Both the days he said I cant do! I am busy, he asked if i could meet on a sat. lol I have plans of course, bc I am GAL! and can't do the other day either unless a miracle happens and i get my essay finished early! I asked if he could do any other days and said thurs is good for me. he just replied Thurs is a 'No Go,' OK then. he said he will try n see what other day is free (like he has to check his books bc he is so busy he cant even keep track right?!) and left it at he will let me know. (always seems to end up with him having the control/power, am I reading too much into this??)
I know I shouldnt try to figure it out, all the stuff in the brackets are just my sarcastic responses, i can't say them out loud to H so like to vent them here!! especially as they are becoming themes in what he says.
today I went out to lunch in china town with some girls from my course to celebrate as its our last official class, that was fun. then my friend hung out at my apt after since we finished early
and then I even went around some estate agents looking at rental ads and booked to see 2 places sat afternoon and maybe one tomorrow. I am still torn if I should move or not, its my choice. I could save a lot of money if I do since H is only paying for this apt til end of july. Guess I just want to see what my options may be and maybe get excited about the idea of moving. I am dreading it now but if I find a place I really like that will help a lot. one step at a time....
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
I felt like also saying to him, you know you can just call if you want to talk, you dont have to arrange a big meet up just to talk to me. Or you dont have to only text all the time(i.e. I actually have a phone and know how to work it). But didn't know if this would be seen as pursuing...eliciting phone calls...
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
Ok, so I've not had much time to post or read up on others so hope all is going ok.
I guess its a somewhat good sign that I have been busy.
I had a busy week last week with work and deadlines and then had a busy weekend too. I went to view some apartments with a friend sat morning, still looking, no pressure just yet tho. Then I spent the afternoon cleaning, running errands, food shopping and catching up from last week! Then I had just enough time to get myself ready for a night out with the girls. I went with 2 of my friends and then 4 others that I had met only once before, so making new friends there. which is good bc they are super nice and we had a fun time. I had some house guests over night and then an easy going sunday morning making breakfast and chatting with them.
Today I also got to get a coffee with my friend and then I spent the rest of the night working on my essay for thursday. I'm sure I'll get it done, just is a bit stressful!! But I am happy with how much work I got done tonight.
So tomorrow should be a slowish day at work, so I'll have time to continue with my essay writing between my appointments. ok so only 4 more days of this....
Also, have now arranged to see H on tuesday since we couldn't both do any other days this week. Everytime he tries to arrange something it seems like its all a big game to him, with power/control over him calling the shots...maybe I am just taking it wrong, I don't know. He always has to 'get back to me' and check if he's free, doesn't even seem to know his own schedule, or doesn't want to agree to anything too fast. I asked what time and where to meet. then he replied his phone is about to die so he'll text me over the weekend about it.(but hasn't) Surely if he could sent that msg he could of just sent a time, takes the same amount of battery... ughhh.
Anyway none of that has stopped me from having a good weekend, so that is an improvement.
One last question....It is H's bday on friday. Which is upsetting bc bday's were always special for us both. But I don't know whether I should get him something or not?? I have not mentioned it and neither has he, maybe he thinks I forgot, although I'm sure he knows that would never happen, remembering dates and such has always been my thing.
So what to do?
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
Ok so tomorrow after work I am due to meet w H. I have been feeling ok about it most the time but tonight starting to feel worried/upset/unsure. I guess I haven't seen him in quite a while now...like maybe a month?? I stopped keeping track by now.
I guess the plan is to discuss finance issues and hear what he has to say to me. I was preparing myself for the worst, but thinking I can handle it. I hope it goes ok, I dont really know what I want to say, I can't think of anything(that hasn't been said, would make a difference or would be worthwhile at this point) so I guess I'll just listen and then plan for the money side of things.
I am getting nervous. I know I can't control it, only response and what I say and do.....
Still dont know if I should take something for his bday. card? neutral gift? He got me a card and gift certificate for mine not v long ago.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
I'll be thinking about you tmrw. Having just met with my H about similar issues last week, my two cents would be to really, really listen. Let him talk, validate how he's feeling, don't argue or get defensive. Just really hear him like a good friend would... If he brings up something you get emotional about, excuse yourself to the bathroom until you get it back together. If you aren't sure how to respond - you don't have to make decisions right then. Tell H you need to consider his proposals, and you'll get back to him.
You can do it - breathe deep, and pretend he's some crazy homeless guy you're listening to on the street corner... you're not taking him seriously, but you agree and validate. Good luck!
