Your posts of "ok" is exactly why I feel (and maybe others as well) that you are simply mocking us. I asked a reasonable question if you understood how to make goals/action plans and provided you with examples. You glossed over that and never gave it a mention.
The only thing you mentioned was the D being officially dismissed which I guess is all you wanted and you got it. So, I guess you are all set. Personally I wouldnt take this as good news because nothing has changed other than a few pleasant exchanges.
I fear that now the D has been dismissed you will have all these expectations and keep backsliding and continue not to work on you. I hope I am wrong but when you simply answer with "ok" and dont add anymore substance when it comes to the "hard stuff" we try and extract from you, well, not sure what else to do.
We are separated for the time being. True she is enjoying the fruits of other men. But separated none the less.
It just occured to me that we will still be married on our anniversary August 2nd. I probably should not bring that up though.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I need time to work on that. If I just say it, what good does it do. I need to actually do it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You've had so many people give you so much good advice, and you have put very little of it into action.
And now you're talking about your wedding anniversary? Your wife despises you, manipulates you, disrespects you, and you're going to waste time wondering if you'll still be "married" on August 2?
I'm done. I leave you in the capable hands of others who have more patience than I do. And remember, I work w/special needs three year olds, and I have more patience than anyone I know. If you've burned me out, you're on thin ice.
Yes, just saying somethingd doesnt do any good. That is why you need to learn to (A) set goals (B) create an action plan to execute those goals and (C) put strict time limits on when your goals will be completed by.
IMO that really is the first step to getting on a much different path. And, in the process you will learn so much about yourself and while learning you will realize how you can improve as a man.
When I began the process of goal setting/action plans I realized that I thrive under pressure and waiting until the last minute to complete what needs to be completed. I used to think that was a good thing (that I could work well under pressure) but I realized that all it did was cause me a good bit of unecessary stress. As an individual I have now learned to manage my time better and break apart tasks so there is no "last minute drama filled rush" to get things done. Its given me lots of personal freedom and really lifted some burden from me.
I always used to have tons of ideas in my head and yes, I would write them down but never do a thing about them. By making goals and action plans I have changed that. And that is a positive change for me.
Goals and ideas are great but without an action plan and timeline to execute them they dont mean jack.
You keep saying you need to detach from your W and remove her from your mind yet the first thing you post is about your upcoming anniversary. Again, chatter and obsession about your W. And truthfully, August is 2 months away and by then you could have another set of D papers in the works. But you have already created expectations in your own mind that in Aug. things will remain status quo.
You set yourself up to be destroyed because every element of your life is based on your W and NOT on you. So yes, you are correct, making goals is a waste of time if you have on intentions of doing them or at least trying to do them.
You know what. Yall are right. I can't go 100 minutes without thinking about W. Crazy.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Yes, it is crazy and you are CHOOSING to do NOTHING to change the crazy.
I made the suggestion a while back - when *any* thought of your W enters your mind drop down and do 20 pushups. In your case you would be doing about 5000 pushups a day! You say you want to get fit... well, this will kill 2 birds with one stone. It will get you fit and it will train your brain to do/think about something else when you start thinking about your W. But, unless you chose not to mention it you didnt even *try* this method.
Are you familiar with the technique of "emotional thought stopping"? If not I suggest you learn about it because you need it and you need it badly. Here is a link to get you started.
You keep saying how crazy things are but you dont do anything to not make them crazy. I think you enjoy being in the "crazy zone" because it is where you are comfortable and when we are comfortable tend not to push ourselves in a new (and more positive) direction. Why on earth you are so comfortable with self torture I dont know.
You know, it takes time and effort to make these posts to you and in many cases it causes us to really relive some painful aspects of our situations. It doesnt seem to jolt you though that perhaps people are speaking from experience and not just "talking" to hear themselves talk.
It does jolt me. I have been very appreciative of everyone. I will take a look at that link.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kev. It really doesn't matter what we say. You're going to do what you want anyway. Go ahead and buy her a dozen roses and a nice card. Do what you've been doing it has obviously been working.
