I will echo what Greek said about being "done" For women, or at least for the ones I know and have talked to on the subject, we're done way before you men know "we're done".
I most certainly didn't want to face the issues. We had financial problems- partly because he spent so much on his hobbies. I was tired of doing without when he didn't. I handled everything- so that pressure was on me. I felt that he would never change. Plus- I was in the fog! Not of the affair- because that was over- but honestly, having the affair showed me I wouldn't have to be alone the rest of my life- that I could attract other men- and I had hopes of having a new relationship at some point.
I kept contact only to about the kids. Yes, I thought, "I cannot live this way a minute longer".
It's all about feelings. You don't think you're ripping your kids lives apart- you don't think about the home you worked hard to build- it's all about how you "feel"
It's not too personal to ask either- was I ever in the mood? Of course I was but we were separated and I didn't want him to meet that need for me. He actually asked me that as soon as I told him I wanted a divorce- ie, "Can we still see each other for ML?" Which totally grossed me out. That was actually his first statement after "Well you know this will make it hard for me to get a promotion now because I won't be able to relocate because of the kids" I took care of that need myself for a bit.
