Just when I thought it was over

[Hope4us]

Ok, that is my start. I have a question that I want to put out there to all of you who have been through this. There is something else I want to put on my list, but dont know if I have the right to. During all of this, my H made a close friend (never had any real close male friends before this) and is still very close to this man. Here is the thing, this guy helped my H hide the A and even encouraged it. I have nothing but feelings of distain for the man. I dont want him any where near my life. Do I have the right to say that you need to find other friends and cut this connection if you want me or is that too far? Thoughts?

BH, Never posted to you before, but wanted to tell you I have this same issue, and this is how I handled it. Don't know if it's the right way or not, but this is what I did.

My W started her A after we relocated for work. Her enabler GF didn't hide her A because I never had any contact with her, but she did encourage it. "make yourself happy, blah blah blah". That type stuff. The EGF was the only female friend that W made in our new location.

W's A ended a year ago after I exposed to our kids. It's taken a while, but we're making progress.

A month ago we were talking and finally W opened up some about the A. During the conversation, the EGF came up. I told W "I will be polite to EGF, I will be civil to her, but don't think I'll ever invite her and her soon to be H over for a cookout". W got kind of angry and said "she's my friend", I replied, "I know she's your friend, but don't expect me to participate in any 'couples' stuff with her and her new H".

Since that time, I don't know for sure, but it seems like EGF is becoming less and less of a 'friend' than before. It just seems like the EGF served her purpose at the time for W, but now that we seem to be making progress, EGF is less and less involved in W's life. W has begun to make new 'girlfriends' that are definitely more stable and marriage friendly (EGF is marrying H #3 and she's 26 yrs old).


I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't be surprised one bit that if/when you and your H begin putting your marriage back together, that this friend of his becomes less and less of a friend.

Just my .02