Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

I think this is a GREAT example of how collaborative editing, talking about a response and really drawing on the experience of others can make a HUGE difference in how we respond to our WAS.

Granted, she was rude, cold and dictative in her request but you chose to rise above that, not fall back in the old dynamic, seek out solutions that would work for ALL involved and really cement in your own mind that changes (for you) are happening and they are real.

That is why I say when you need to make contact with a WAS wait at least 24 or 48 hours so you dont make an emotional response. Trust me, I have whipped off some absolute doozies to my H based on emotional responses early on in my situation and all it did was cause more conflict in a situation that was already filled with so much tension and anger.

I still think this might be a good opportunity for you to broach the idea of some sort of family calender for the future so things run smoother when it comes to the children and vacations and their activities. I dont mean to bring it up right away, but in the future it might be an idea to ponder.

Great job! I am proud of you and you did very, very well!

Yep, it was a collaborative effort all the way around. You folks gave me so much help, and I'm thankful for it!

Yep, changes are happening and they are real! Sometimes I think one reason she tells me the things she does, the way she does, is because it's an effort to hurt me and speed up the process of her emotional healing...at my expense.

I agree that emotional responses are usually wrong, and don't help at all, and can even make things worse. Taking the time so that you can respond in a reasonable manner almost always helps you to do a better job of it.

Better communication regarding things like this would have helped, and we can learn from it and do a better job of it foe on down the line. I'm all for things running smoother.

Thanks for the pat on the back CityGirl. I am really thankful for your help, as well as the help from others here! Are you doing OK?