Yes, it is crazy and you are CHOOSING to do NOTHING to change the crazy.
I made the suggestion a while back - when *any* thought of your W enters your mind drop down and do 20 pushups. In your case you would be doing about 5000 pushups a day! You say you want to get fit... well, this will kill 2 birds with one stone. It will get you fit and it will train your brain to do/think about something else when you start thinking about your W. But, unless you chose not to mention it you didnt even *try* this method.
Are you familiar with the technique of "emotional thought stopping"? If not I suggest you learn about it because you need it and you need it badly. Here is a link to get you started.
You keep saying how crazy things are but you dont do anything to not make them crazy. I think you enjoy being in the "crazy zone" because it is where you are comfortable and when we are comfortable tend not to push ourselves in a new (and more positive) direction. Why on earth you are so comfortable with self torture I dont know.
You know, it takes time and effort to make these posts to you and in many cases it causes us to really relive some painful aspects of our situations. It doesnt seem to jolt you though that perhaps people are speaking from experience and not just "talking" to hear themselves talk.
