Thanks for your kind words. I'm doin' better, and I am a better man! Whatever progress I've made...YOU certainly had a lot to do with it...as well as all of the other posters on this board. Thanks to all so far! I am committed to continue to work hard...value, respect, and compassion...for myself as well as for others. Strong, powerful, secure, confident, and assertive...these are things I'm working toward for myself too!
I'm confident that I'll be fine too Sandi...regardless how things turn out. I hope I get another chance though! I am alot different now, even though there are bumps along the road. I was/am determined to change. I know it can be done. I appreciate you Sandi.
I look forward to hearing from you. I hope things are well with you.
TTYL,
antlers
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I think this is a GREAT example of how collaborative editing, talking about a response and really drawing on the experience of others can make a HUGE difference in how we respond to our WAS.
Granted, she was rude, cold and dictative in her request but you chose to rise above that, not fall back in the old dynamic, seek out solutions that would work for ALL involved and really cement in your own mind that changes (for you) are happening and they are real.
That is why I say when you need to make contact with a WAS wait at least 24 or 48 hours so you dont make an emotional response. Trust me, I have whipped off some absolute doozies to my H based on emotional responses early on in my situation and all it did was cause more conflict in a situation that was already filled with so much tension and anger.
I still think this might be a good opportunity for you to broach the idea of some sort of family calender for the future so things run smoother when it comes to the children and vacations and their activities. I dont mean to bring it up right away, but in the future it might be an idea to ponder.
Great job! I am proud of you and you did very, very well!
Yep, it was a collaborative effort all the way around. You folks gave me so much help, and I'm thankful for it!
Yep, changes are happening and they are real! Sometimes I think one reason she tells me the things she does, the way she does, is because it's an effort to hurt me and speed up the process of her emotional healing...at my expense.
I agree that emotional responses are usually wrong, and don't help at all, and can even make things worse. Taking the time so that you can respond in a reasonable manner almost always helps you to do a better job of it.
Better communication regarding things like this would have helped, and we can learn from it and do a better job of it foe on down the line. I'm all for things running smoother.
Thanks for the pat on the back CityGirl. I am really thankful for your help, as well as the help from others here! Are you doing OK?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I think this is a GREAT example of how collaborative editing, talking about a response and really drawing on the experience of others can make a HUGE difference in how we respond to our WAS.
Granted, she was rude, cold and dictative in her request but you chose to rise above that, not fall back in the old dynamic, seek out solutions that would work for ALL involved and really cement in your own mind that changes (for you) are happening and they are real.
That is why I say when you need to make contact with a WAS wait at least 24 or 48 hours so you dont make an emotional response. Trust me, I have whipped off some absolute doozies to my H based on emotional responses early on in my situation and all it did was cause more conflict in a situation that was already filled with so much tension and anger.
I still think this might be a good opportunity for you to broach the idea of some sort of family calender for the future so things run smoother when it comes to the children and vacations and their activities. I dont mean to bring it up right away, but in the future it might be an idea to ponder.
Great job! I am proud of you and you did very, very well!
It's a good lesson to us all... But, why is it so much easier to write someone else's letter than our own?
I think it's simply because you don't have the emotional investment in other peoples situations that you have in your own! How are you doin'?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Thanks for your kind words. I'm doin' better, and I am a better man! Whatever progress I've made...YOU certainly had a lot to do with it...as well as all of the other posters on this board. Thanks to all so far! I am committed to continue to work hard...value, respect, and compassion...for myself as well as for others. Strong, powerful, secure, confident, and assertive...these are things I'm working toward for myself too!
I'm confident that I'll be fine too Sandi...regardless how things turn out. I hope I get another chance though! I am alot different now, even though there are bumps along the road. I was/am determined to change. I know it can be done. I appreciate you Sandi.
I look forward to hearing from you. I hope things are well with you.
TTYL,
antlers
Cheers Coach
Thanks Coach!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I think this is a GREAT example of how collaborative editing, talking about a response and really drawing on the experience of others can make a HUGE difference in how we respond to our WAS.
Granted, she was rude, cold and dictative in her request but you chose to rise above that, not fall back in the old dynamic, seek out solutions that would work for ALL involved and really cement in your own mind that changes (for you) are happening and they are real.
That is why I say when you need to make contact with a WAS wait at least 24 or 48 hours so you dont make an emotional response. Trust me, I have whipped off some absolute doozies to my H based on emotional responses early on in my situation and all it did was cause more conflict in a situation that was already filled with so much tension and anger.
I still think this might be a good opportunity for you to broach the idea of some sort of family calender for the future so things run smoother when it comes to the children and vacations and their activities. I dont mean to bring it up right away, but in the future it might be an idea to ponder.
Great job! I am proud of you and you did very, very well!
It's a good lesson to us all... But, why is it so much easier to write someone else's letter than our own?
I think it's simply because you don't have the emotional investment in other peoples situations that you have in your own! How are you doin'?
Yes, that's why it really helps to lovingly detach for your own sitch.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I think this is a GREAT example of how collaborative editing, talking about a response and really drawing on the experience of others can make a HUGE difference in how we respond to our WAS.
Granted, she was rude, cold and dictative in her request but you chose to rise above that, not fall back in the old dynamic, seek out solutions that would work for ALL involved and really cement in your own mind that changes (for you) are happening and they are real.
That is why I say when you need to make contact with a WAS wait at least 24 or 48 hours so you dont make an emotional response. Trust me, I have whipped off some absolute doozies to my H based on emotional responses early on in my situation and all it did was cause more conflict in a situation that was already filled with so much tension and anger.
I still think this might be a good opportunity for you to broach the idea of some sort of family calender for the future so things run smoother when it comes to the children and vacations and their activities. I dont mean to bring it up right away, but in the future it might be an idea to ponder.
Great job! I am proud of you and you did very, very well!
It's a good lesson to us all... But, why is it so much easier to write someone else's letter than our own?
I think it's simply because you don't have the emotional investment in other peoples situations that you have in your own! How are you doin'?
Yes, that's why it really helps to lovingly detach for your own sitch.
Couldn't agree with you more, Coach! But, it is a very, very hard thing to do!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
"You can work on your marriage without pursuing and live your life without harming your marriage. Your every move is being watched by your wife. This is when you get to lead." - Coach
To paraphrase another poster on this board..."a reconciliation won't happen unless you put the work in yourself, take the pressure off of your spouse, and put some time and distance between the two of you. Then, it's possible."
Just wanted to post these on my thread for my benefit, and for the benefit of others who read it. It's such good advice, and it's always helpful to remind ourselves of it...especially when things seem darkest.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Another jewel from PMA_Baby..."You should NEVER totally give yourself over to anything or anyone. Keeping your identity should be your number one priority. Everything else positive in your life starts with that."
Serendipity!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
