I saw your post on mdoodles thread about the nagging and bashing that you gave your H and I had to write to you. I am there with you on this. I realized that in reponse to H's A I nagged him terrible, always have a smart remark about it, makes him feel even worse. H has been saying that he noticed in our separation that I have not changed and I think he's right. I haven't. This week when he came by with his friend, I went into the same unproductive behavior and realized in hindsight. I started talking about men not liking independent women. Started dropping hints. Talked about how unreliable he is. First, I know H is wrong in the A and was seeking validation outside but its such a terrible spiral b/c it has made me think less of him, which has inturn pushed him away even more. I think H is tired of all the bashing too. I even sometimes miss when I thought the world of him. Now its alot of negative thoughts (eg. thinking he's a liar, can't be trusted, etc). Sometimes all true things but I just hate it. I remember when I thought the world of him.
Anyway, I haven't set goals in a long time so I think I need to make this one of my goals - getting away from the nagging, bad talking, etc. Its so hard to do though when H hasn't made any deposits into his love bank for such a long time.
