So..does he use guilt as a weapon?? jus wondering...
He would say that I use guilt as a weapon, and I have in the past I admit,not anymore. Both of our moms are experts at manipulation through guilt.
The only way I would say he uses guilt would be his base reason (his words) for resenting me: he goes to a job he hates everyday so I can live MY dream, teaching and being home with the kids. He has said he sacrificed going to grad school or vet school to take a higher-paying job right out of college to provide for me. Because teachers, esp. subs which I was when we got married, make jack squat.
So his fall back is that he sacrificed his chance to be happy (he swears it is too late to go back to school to become a vet or a college agriculture professor and judging team coach)so that I could be a stay-at-home mom. But once i was one, all I did was complain about how hard it was and demand more time and attention from him. I am honest enough to admit that I did complain. I think all moms do, to a certain extent. Doesn't mean I didn't want to do it, but poop and puke and such can wear you down when you add on sleep deprivation and little contact with grown-ups!
Anyway I have re-hashed that about a million times. Yes, I was needy, yes I complained, yes, I wanted him to meet all my needs since we had moved away from all family and friends. Was I wrong to do that? Sure. But that doesn't excuse his having an affair at that point, when Nathan was an infant. It doesn't excuse his second affair, either. And he needs to be responsible for his choice in life, NOT to go to grad school. He made that decision without even asking me for input so he needs to take ownership of it. Just like I need to take ownership of the fact that i have let him and his moods practically dominate my thoughts and feelings for the past few years.
That is why I am reading the boundaries book. Time to have some and move on with my life!
