You really are correct, I guess I wanted some movement either way. The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, all reared up it's ugly head. But just like in our marriage together, there was no emotion from him. Would have probably got a kick out of him if he would have told me to go to H***, but of course he never gets mad. -- almost like he tries to get even with me.
I just couldn't stop myself last night. All the hurtful things that he's done and will continue to do to our family. I don't know how others hang on so long, years. I was more than willing to try and keep this marriage and hopefully in time things would change. I have forgiven him for the A, and for what he has done to me, but what he has done to our D4 is the hardest and will take time.
At least I turned my cell phone off last night after our last text and haven't turned it on yet today. I know he won't text me today but I did it for myself to remind me to just let this relationship go.
Grace, you are so smart with all of this! What a way to be smart though, because anyone that is going thru all this stuff, well, lets just put it this way it really s**ks.
I laughed one of our drivers at work looked at me and said, did you have a rough night? (eyes really puffy) I said maybe alittle but I'll be fine. He hugged me and said you are a beautiful lady and when this is all over you will get that sparkle back in those pretty eyes, so hang in there. -- His wife and I have become very close after I gave them a kitten that I had bottle fed and spoiled beyond belief!!
That really meant alot to me. If I'd cry at home when my H lived there he'd turn up the TV or tell me to go somewhere else to cry. Never, ever did he tell me that it would be ok, or ask what was the matter. I never cried for foolish things like, I broke a nail either. It was serious health issues, that he never cared to hear.
I forgot (little embarrassed) but I got to tell you this one. Yesterday H knew I had to get a mamogram (he read it on calender on fridge awhile back. He never used to ask me about any doctor appointments but he said last night. How did the B**B squeezing go? I told him thanks for asking, went fine. Then in his teenage mentality he goes, I could have squeezed them alot better than a stupid machine but that I might like that too much !! I'm sorry at my age and the scares that can be there with exams, well I was ticked off. But as nice as I could I told him - Thanks for the concern, and dropped it.
I appreciate the opportunity to vent on this site, even though I write in my journal it's not the same as "talking" to you Grace. My D4 was very crabby this am, so I hope tonight we can share lots of hugs and kisses and go for a walk.
Me: 46 H: 38 D: 6 M: 8-2-2003 Left Nov. 28, 2008 - He filed for D 2-18-09 1st D-Day was 6/9/09 H missing papers FINAL: 8/1/09 done thru the mail