Just throwing a couple things out there for you all. Probably won't be on here all that often the next several days. Working on Project BBJ...
Re the trip:
*Dan was unhappy about 60% of the time, mostly with me but also with the trip. Lines too long, food not great, his phone broke during the trip so he took a 3 hr journey to rent a cab from the Magic Kingdom, go to Kissimee to a Verizon store, get a new phone, and come back. He showed me his phone when he got back, pointed out that he had gotten 200 emails from work in the 3 hours he was without a phone. Dude has major work issues...He also showed me texts from a co-worker he left in charge saying he couldn't handle the workload and needed a raise...Have I mentioned he hates his job? Yet somehow clings to it as his reason for being, it seems to me! It is the way he can get all of the 'stuff' that doesn't bring him happiness.
*On the third night, [censored] spilled her food at dinner. Nathan jumped up and suddenly needed to go to the bathroom. I was taking him and he basically told me he only got up b/c he didn't want to hear his daddy get mad at Sissy for spilling. He asked me "Why is daddy so grouchy? This is a vacation I thought it was supposed to be fun."
*So I shared this with Dan when we got back to the table. He informed me that he was grouchy b/c I didn't discipline the kids at all and he was forced to be the bad guy, etc etc. Same song and dance. I just told him I had the kids 90% of the time and when he was around I was happy to take the backseat and let him lead...
*I took him aside later and told him he would NEVER speak to me that way in front of the kids again. (He had been bitchy with me several times about various things) He was pissed if I asked him questions and told me to just make decisions, such as which ride to ride, where to eat,etc. But when I made decisions, invariably he bitched (didn't like the food, the line was too long, etc etc). Can't win for losing...
*Anyway I cut him off on the moaning and he put on a happy face for several hours with the kids. Good. The last day I needed to buy my souvenirs at our hotel gift shop. I made sure the kids got what they wanted/needed and helped Dan choose a couple things, but put off buying my own b/c I knew exactly what I wanted and where to get it.
Well we were pushing it for time, he agreed to take the kids and the luggage up to check out while I went to the gift shop. Our resort was sprawling, shuttles just to get from our room to the gift shop and to the main building for check-out. The day before the shuttle took along time and he had been pissed. So I ran, literally, from our room to the gift shop (almost 1/2 mile), got my stuff, then ran 1/4 mile from the gift shop to the building to check out. I got there all tired and sweaty and Dan and the kids were there. He asked why I was sweaty and out of breath. I told him I ran the whole way. He said, why, I told you take a shuttle.
Then it dawned on me. I said, "I ran the whole way b/c I didn't want to get here late, didn't want to wait for a shuttle, b/c I didn't want to make you mad. I have spent most of this trip AND the past several years making every single decision (practically) based on trying to make you happy and not make you mad. I am done doing it.....
*He sputtered and looked a little shell-shocked, then he said he never told me to run, he said I should take the shuttle, he wasn't upset was in no big hurry, etc etc. I said I know I made the choice I have been making it all along, I have done it to myself but not anymore. I can't live my life to please you and avoid upsetting you, I am done.
Anyway we went on to spend our last afternoon at the park and headed home. The trip was for me about 50% awesome, the parts where I focused on my kids and their joy. I will post pics on FB when I have time. Sydney was priceless with the princesses and Nate was thrilled with the Star Wars guys. Sydney had a great time all around, Nathan had about 80% fun except for when he was worried about his dad...
In the mean time yesterday I went and bought three books: Boundaries Boundaries Workbook Boundaries in Marriage
It is long past time I set my own standards for myself and enforce them. Not just with Dan, with everyone. I can't keep living the life of a people-pleaser who never winds up pleasing anyone, really, least of all myself!!
Ironically, Dan stopped by before work this morning and dropped off my sunglasses that he found in his truck from a couple months ago. Left them in the door. Then called to tell me to go look in the door. Then called again to ask if I had found them. (DUH, how could I not?) I don't know if he feels me disengaging but I don't really care. I need to get myself in order and focus on that, then on my kids. He is not in the pecking order anymore.
