I'm sorry you had such a tough night and you're so miserable today.
Just to throw an idea out there.... perhaps you said all that stuff b/c you knew you'd get a reaction. It's like, you want some movement, either way, just something so that you know where you stand. Even if you don't like the place you're standing. I know you wanted to "wake" him up and have him realize what he's doing, but even if he got mad and never came around, it would be over. No more torment. May not be true for you, but it is something to think about esp. before you say something next time.
It's hard not to think everything you do or say is "wrong" and that you "just ruined everything". It isn't and you didn't. have you read the thread "Don't" towards the top of the forum? it's a good one.
