John, You have let this go on for long enough...nothing will change if you do nothing. You have pictures of the OM truck at your W apartment and your daughter has seen his personal information on her computer. You have enough to go talk to your CC again and ask for advice and see if you have enough to start an investigation...your Shirt can do this with no problems. Bet money that her shop knows what is going on. Exposure is the best option you have left. The exposure will end the A...if you do not do this she will not stop. I am not trying to push you into anything you have not thought out but you are not using a tool you have that many do not. The exposure for a SNCO and an officer is not good...you should have already done something.
Why are you still taking her phone calls and talking about vacations, travel, etc...she is not going to do all that she is saying...bottom line is she will run out of money and credit sooner vs later living like this. She is not "getting" anything because you have not done anything...her words are right out of the book on WW rewriting your life...you should not have talked to her anyway...it will just make it harder for you.
Phoenixdeux has probably given you the best advice you will ever get from anyone..."it's not as easy as that anymore"
Go see your CC and Shirt, the lawyer, make sure your D is taken care of always, stay away from the booze, keep your logbook current with what W is doing and saying with D. All WW say the right thing to you until they get a lawyer. Fix your money issues and get ahead on bills...your W will soon stop paying what you think she will pay.
Your clue is how your D is being treated and or ignored. Your W has done nothing to give you any indication that she is remorseful. Not to you and not to your daughter...if you do not do something then you should not expect this to end any other way than you divorced, a part time dad, low on money, and W married to OM (this one or another) if you still want to save this marriage you must end the affair by exposing. Your lawyer can help you with CS and other bills...hopefully enough to keep your house. You should be working this everyday and not waiting for your W to see if OM will leave his W for your W. Do not discuss this with your W or her family...no threats, just do it! And say nothing...if your W calls ask if she want to talk to D (better is to have her call D cell...still do not know why she keeps calling you other than to keep you hoping until OM commits and she files for D in the hopes you will not tell her CC).
Sorry it this was too forward or rude...you have done nothing for way too long so don't expect her to "see the light"...expose, get as much CS as you can to care for D and then work on M.
"After a point (of no return) they are not friends by any means; you have to protect yourself as best you can. If you "love your self" you must not let the WAS hurt you and you can't do much about them hurting themselves and to a large extent hurting the kids - often if you have to "listen" to their complaints they will attempt to draw you down into the muck and you will get hurt more and more - these encounters are often to get you to take responsibility for their behavior or to get something material from you."
Be careful about chit-chatting with her. Words aren't what you want, anyway, right?
Lucky, Thanks so much for your kind words and the exerpt from Orangedog's thread. That makes sense to me. The more time goes on, the more detached I become. I know there is an end in sight. I know also that I'm going to have to be the one to pull the trigger.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
This may have already been tossed out to you, I have been on vacation to Disney World myself, just got back actually! Fun times.
First thing when I got back from trip (H went along even though we are separated, I don't recommend it!) was buy a couple of books:
Boundaries Boundaries Workbook Boundaries in Marriage
I am working through Boundaries and the companion workbook. Only 50 pages in since I got it yesterday. Awesome so far. All about setting and enforcing healthy boundaries for yourself with everyone, family/friends/children/parents/spouse, etc. Once I read the regular version I will dive into the Marriage one.
Just throwing those titles out there, I know you have already read a lot though. But in my sitch my H is out of the house but still wanting to do tons of the "family" stuff with me and the kids, and I suck at enforcing boundaries/consequences. Maybe this can help clearly delineate what boundaries should be drawn. Just a thought!
When do you go to Disney??? Are you doing CA or FL??
BobbiJo, I'm going to Disney World in FL. I hear you about the boundries thing. This is one of my many weak areas, I know. I will look into these books when I return and no, my wife is not going with us. Thanks very much for your input, greatly appreciated.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
So, I'm into day 3 of my Disney trip. The wife called me on Monday several times. I finally answered the phone and she says that she passed out a few times? One time she feel down and hit her head. I asked if it was because she stopped taking her anti-depressants? She said, she thought so. I asked if she was going to the hospital and she said yes. She said, I can't believe you don't even care about me. Yeah, ok. Anyway, long story short I called her a couple of times later to make sure she was ok. She went to the doc and the told her she can't drive. Sounds pretty serious. She called last night and told me she apprecited the fact that I checked on her and that she wished she was at Disney w/ my D and me and that she loved me and that she didn't deserve me. So, she's faced w/ a medical difficulty and now she loves me? We'll see where this goes. I'm awfully skepitical at this point. She's supposed to go see a neurologist today and call me and let me know how she is. Hopefully it's nothing too serious and she gets some help. D and I are having a good time a Disney though.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
