Hi Volleydog I've learned that while you are right, it would be easier if you were going to be on the camping trip, saying things like that did not help me with my H and used to do it quite a bit. Not a good thing to make them feel guilty, which is basically what it does even though I was hoping it would set off a light bulb "Oh she's right, let's not divorce!" As for her not asking about your plans, I do believe she desperately wants to but has great great restraint. My H wouldn't ask in the beginning but then started to "What are you plans....what are you doing?.....Who are you texting?.....etc" and I don't say None of your business. I answer the questions but I don't ask him now, UNLESS he's got our S with him and then I want to know where my S will be and doing what.
saying things like that did not help me with my H and used to do it quite a bit. Not a good thing to make them feel guilty, which is basically what it does even though I was hoping it would set off a light bulb "Oh she's right, let's not divorce!"
That's a good point I never really thought about it that way. It's the first time I've ever done that and I thought she would take it as a joke but now I know better...Thanks
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Exactly, I said things like that too in attempt to lighten the mood completely joking or I was saying it to point out that we should work this out. Either way, it's not received well. Take it from me. I think maybe you could have just flat out offered to help get them there, help set up and take off. That would have been more appreciated. I don't know about you but I've noticed I don't seem to be as funny as I once was in my spouses' eyes!
Again...dont try and analyze why she doesn't ask about your plans. Look at me! I NEVER ask exh what he is doing, but I do wonder. He always wants to know our plans.
You want your wife home because she wants to be home...not because she feels guilty or needy. I wish we could smack all the WAS on this board and tell thim life doesn't have to be this complicated if they would just realize it! Doesn't work that way. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Be covert. Let her think you are moving on with your life and you are fantastic even without her.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Put that on a sticky note and paste it to your forehead!
Serioulsy? Have you ever tried that? Sorta going underground for a bit. Obviously contact for the kids, but keeping it short and to the point. Look really good and act like you have big plans and are in a hurry, but be sorta secretive. Taking longer to respond to emails or calls unless its an emergency, letting it go to vm. I think right now she knows the sun still rises and sets with her in your mind. I know my exh is a lunatic, but me being distant and secretive drives him crazy. Try it and see what happens.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Look really good and act like you have big plans and are in a hurry, but be sorta secretive. Taking longer to respond to emails or calls unless its an emergency, letting it go to vm.
Yep...I sort of switch it up on her, sometimes I will do this, then go back to being a little more available. It's probably about 50/50 letting calls go to VM, emails I pretty much always return right away, it's a habit from work, I get and send 100's of emails a day.
I did the as dark as I can thing for a few months I didn't really notice a difference in her.
I am wondering what is going to happen today since it is Thursday...yikes
Last edited by volleydog; 06/11/0901:56 PM.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
