Wish I could read her mind (9) >>>>

[steady]

She said, although there are strong feelings, she is not naive enough to think that "he is the one". Like she said.."I have never met him..I have no idea what I will feel when the time comes, but right now I feel something".

He will be coming to the area, and she has looked forward to finally meeting him.

She could not rule out physical contact, or even sex when they do meet.

Tim this blew me away. I'm gonna go out on the limb and take a guess here - your intial impulse is to let her do what she wants, work on getting closer to her, try to figure out what you did wrong and try to change it. Been there done that.

The advice given in the past few posts are spot on. Take a hard stand NOW - tell her if she intends on meeting this man with the option of having sex with him (I changed this because even if she told you she will throw away the option you will never know what happened. I would leave it as "if she intends to meet this man she needs to leave". Just the fact she would even entertain the option of sex with him would be a deal breaker for me. But you need to define for yourself what is a deal breaker and what isn't)she needs to leave the house before she does that.

The only chance you have to knock any sense into her (secondary and relatively unimportant at this point) and holding onto your dignity (primary and very important for your self respect) is taking this position. The other one will make you look so weak that any respect that may be there for you will disappear. This stand will allow you to hold onto your dignity no matter which way it goes.

Look at what she is rationalizing. Say they meet and there is no 'coonection' and she doesn't have sex with him. Then what? She is searching for a parachute, a 'soft' place to land. That's obvious. So say that isn't this guy. Her search will continue until she finds the soft landing she is looking for. Is that acceptable to you? It would kill me knowing I allowed this behavior to happen.

Take a stand and take it NOW. Don't wait, don't hesitate. I know the fear that wells up inside of you when you look at this option, but it's the only option that will save YOU. If you don't do this, you will regret it for the rest of your life. You will be comprimising your values, your dignity, your right as a man to stand up and not accept unacceptable behavior.

Tim I am so sorry you are in this position. Lately I have taken many strong stances with my W over so many issues. I even told her last night there was much I let her say and do that I had serious problems with but was so afraid to push her 'over the edge' into a final decision to leave. As I confront her lately I see that my self confidence and my diginity are getting stronger and stronger.

Don't take the 'easy' road of non-confrontation and drawing a line in the sand regardless of the outcome. In the long run it will turn out to be the hard and painful road. Take the road less travelled and you will be glad you did - because when you look in the mirror you will know in your bones you did the right thing as you have been doing. Dont' compromise yourself out of fear of what you think will happen.

You don't know what will happen. Stand up for yourself and life will unfold as it should. Be strong, be corageous (courage is having fear and going in spite of it), keep your self respect. She will respect you more for taking a stand, and if she doesn't, you will respect yourself more - and in my book, that's the most important thing.