I don't know what happened with that post? - guess it posted while I was still typing thoughts? -
So, we had the talk. He came in to the bar, and looked SO good! We talked some about work, kids, family. I asked him a couple ?s about the sprinklers and S17's basketball hoop. Then he told me that he's still planning to move to the mountains in the fall, and is looking for jobs but it's hard to find something that will cover the bills. Just continues looking.
Then he told me that he plans to file for D before he goes. I cry. He said "are you really surprised"? I told him I wasn't really, but it was hard to hear it. He said he tried to tell me after he got back from Taos. I pointed out that was 2 wks after he left me. So, anyway, I got it back together in the bathroom and came back and told him 'I'm sad, the kids are sad, I have loved you since we met and exchanged 'the look' while we were dancing the first night and for me it was love at first sight, and while this hurts very much, I just want you to be happy and I hope you find what you're looking for'.
Then he got a little emotional. He wiped away tears and got glossy eyed several times throughout the talk. That was a big deal for me b/c he hasn't shown any emotion since he left. We talked some more about moving, where he'd like to be. Talked about our best friends and how things have been weird for them. My BF really let him have it early abt the kids, and they haven't talked really since. Told him she cares a lot and maybe they can work on things. Her H is his boss, and was his best man at the wedding. Things have been tense there too and we talked some about that.
I talked about the kids... they miss him but hide it with apathy and anger. He knows he needs to talk to them too but still no commitment on addressing it. It's like he wants to run away from everything and everyone.
So, that was abt it. Nothing about OW, so I didn't bring it up. In his mind I guess he wanted to meet to tell me he was going to file. Or maybe it was to talk about OW but he changed his mind.
I looked great! Haha! I wore my tightest jeans, flip flops and a top. Casual but put together. Cried all my mascara off, but before that looked good if I do say so myself!
Afterwards, I went to my BF's house and then my sister's place. I was strangely thrilled b/c my H showed emotion. Maybe the shell is cracking...
So, that's about it. The reality is he plans to divorce me. That sucks. Or rather, he says he plans to. Maybe it won't happen. I still feel there is hope. I really do.
So, suggestions at this pt? Stay dark? Try something new? It was pretty friendly... maybe I need to reach out a little in a friendly way. Something to think about.
