A new thread, a new outlook.....

[Can it work]

Well, it's not a good morning this morning. my W and I had a bit of a disagreement last night regarding Wee Man.

I was supposed to go down to spend time with him last night since I'd given up my nights this week prior to taking him away this weekend. Anyway, when I got home from work my W texted me to ask if it would be ok for me to come down to her parents house to spend time with him because they stayed there last night. Her brother had come home so she was wanting to spend time with them. I told her it wouldn't be a problem. I thought it would be a good opportunity to catch up with her family too so was looking forward to it.

Anyway, when I arrived down there I got about 5 minutes to play with Wee Man when my W suggested he was ready for his bath. Not a problem. I took him through the house and thoroughly enjoyed a fun bath time. When I got him out of the bath though, my MIL was just serving up dinner and I pretty much got the impression that I was no longer welcome. The fact my W apologised for the visit being so short gave me a clue! So I left after getting to spend next to no time with Wee Man.

When I got home I made a decision. I shouldn't be having to give up so much time with my son just because I'm taking him away. When we initially separated, my W and I agreed on the visitation arrangements but both said I could get him extra time when I had holidays from work. She seems to have forgotten that by taking away my Tueday and Wednesday nights before and after my weekend away. It actually works out that I'm getting him one night less over the two weeks either side of this weekend. That was fine when I thought I'd be getting to spend the whole evening with him on the nights we agreed. Last night changed that though. I texted her to tell her that I wanted him to stay with me until Wednesday next week because I'm off work until then. Needless to say, she wasn't in any kind of agreement. Her arguments were completely weak too. She argued that it wasn't fair that he'd be spending 5 nights away from her. I replied that he has 5 nights away from me every second week! No comeback. I also suggested that she needs to get used to this because I will be taking him away again and it won't always just be for a long weekend. Her response to that was basically, 'You think you're taking him away again? Says who?'. Now I don't know about anyone else, but to me that seems like a threat of depriving me of time with Wee Man. Still, I kept calm and didn't rise to it. Anyway, after asking her exactly what she meant by that comment I got a text back telling me she was too busy to discuss it and that she'd talk to me about it tomorrow.

So, tonight could be an interesting discussion and I don't know how I'm going to cope with it. I'm very aware that I can't continue to let her get her own way with Wee Man every time but I'm also so weary about driving a further wedge between us. If it came down to a choice, I'd pick Wee Man every time but I'd rather hold out in the hope that I could still have a complete family. I've been enabling her to get her own way too often since she left for fear of her hating me but I know I need to be strong this time. She even had the gall to suggest that this wasn't about me, it was about what's best for Wee Man! I asked what harm did she envisage him spending one extra night with his dad doing?

Any ideas on how best to proceed? I'm very nervous that I'm severely going to mess up my R with my W tonight by saying the wrong thing. Please help.

Kev