Hi Sugar and Spice - First of all, let me say that I am so sorry to hear all that you have been going through. I am going to try to read the earlier parts of your thread and see if I have anything helpful to say, but in the meantime, I was hoping you could give me some input, since unfortunately our situations are somewhat similar. Would you mind taking a look at my (short, so far) thread - I would truly appreciate any advice you could offer.
Blindsided - Any advice or thoughts from you would be appreciated, too!
Ok, cue the circus music. This has been a long strange weekend. H and OW started fighting Friday afternoon. She was mad because she wanted him to babysit and he refused. Apparently she found someone else to and they both ended up at the cardroom where it continued until he left.
I was awoken Sat. morning at 6:30 to a phone call from H telling me that there was probably a text on my phone from OW. So I turned it on and there was, but I didn't respond. We talked and he ended up working all day long. He mentioned that she was saying some really strange things to him like: "Youre going to regret it when I'm gone!" "I'm going to make you pay" and other things that gave him the impression that she wanted to hurt him or herself. He got home at about 9:30 that night and she wanted him to babysit. He said no and she got mad (again). So Sunday rolls around and he slept in and he called her when he got up so he could watch the baby while she moved (yes, MIL let her rent the house...not my business!). OW tells H its too late for her to do anything and to just forget it. Then proceeds to call him and text him constantly throughout the next several hours. It got so bad that he told her he was going to file a restraining order on her if she didn't leave him alone. So who does she call then? ME!!!
WTF is the deal with this woman? What does she want/think she is going to get from me? She calls to tell me that she has finally made him hate her and he is filing a restraining order. That we can have our 2nd chance...my reply was, "Didn't we have this conversation last week?" I then just told her that I didn't know what she wanted me to say or what she thought my response should be. If a R has reached the point that people are threatening restraining orders and such, there seems to be a problem. Not really sure what is going on now, but he did watch the baby last night. I'm tired of all of this BS and now H is seriously considering filing B, because he cant pay his bills.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
So again, you are the calm in the storm. All of that mess is theirs, let them own it. I am sorry that money apparently means more to your MIL than family. Those are her choices, not yours. See everyone gets to make their own mistakes, you are not obligated in any way to own them.
As far as your H and bankruptcy, make sure that you aren't on anything with him, because that will come back to you. I know with your legal separation that protects you to some degree. Double check all of that again.
Sometimes I wish we could just turn the darn soap operas off because they seem to be the only thing on. Chin up. I am rooting for you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Becoming unhinged? I think she lost her hinges long ago!!! I worry about you and your family too. I hope he does the restraining order esp. if she continues the weird behavior. And about the B--I think you predicted that a year or 2 ago didn't you? I'm glad you did all that paperwork. Karen
Pup, the bad thing is he is not going to do it. I really have no reason to because he doesn't live here and so she and I have no contact. I have been very clear about one thing though, if she shows up over here at my house and in anyway presents a threat to me or my kids, its done. I will take whatever steps I need to in order to protect my children. I have made this CLEAR.
I don't think its so much becoming unhinged as it is willing to take it as far as she thinks she needs to go in order to get what she wants. I'm of the impression that this is the way she was raised and this is what she knows. She is the baby of the family and from the outside they look suspiciously like temper tantrums thrown by a petulant child whos sole purpose is getting her way. He mentioned that he pointed out to her that she got to do what she wanted to and it still wasn't good enough, her reply was, "Thats not the point." Of course not, the point is I want to do what I want and for you to do what I want as well. Its all about control. I also think she is terribly insecure and not really all well developed mentally/socially. If so then her natural filters would tell her that I am NOT the person to turn to for advice or sympathy in her self-created troubles. Even with H she takes absolutely no responsibility for the situation. She has told me more than once that this is all about him and she told him that this is situation is the way it is because that is the way he wanted it. She did nothing and its this way solely because of him and his actions.
I'm going to check in with my Dad because I want to have a few things straight in my mind before he does anything close to a B. I don't remember predicting it, but I am so glad now that I filed what I did. I look back now and kick myself for waiting so long to have done it.
We had lunch together today and I got upset about something. We argued and in the grand scheme of things I probably should have let it go, but it was the principle of the thing. Bottom line, he doesn't remember most of the things he has told me over the last 19 months and unfortunately for him, I have a very good memory. So I call him on things that he now comes clean about and I find out were lies, I don't know why I even let it bother me, but it still stings, you know? Its also very hard for me to "get over it" or "let it go" when he doesn't validate how I feel. He doesn't have to agree with me, but at least aknowledge that I'm feeling the way I do as a direct result of his actions. I mentioned that he treats me the same way his mother treats him and he denied it, but his demeanor changed after I said that. Lunch was a little tense and after I left he called me and we talked a bit about it. He said that we can't fight everytime we are together and I agreed. He said we need to pick our battles and I agree. The thing that made me smile a little though was this, "If we are really going to work on this, then we have to stop fighting so we can." It was nice to hear.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
If you really want to reconcile with him, then go to a Retrouvaille weekend. They will teach you both how to talk to each other, and they suggest the right questions, giving you a framework for having productive discussions. Weekends are listed on the website, www.helpourmarriage.org.
OW has cracked a head gasket or something. She started calling me yesterday and was all over the place. I was driving up the street by my office and there she was, so I finally got a semi-good look at her. OH MY HELL!!!! Iam totally offended. Anyway, she kept on for a long time and I see what H is talking about. She calls & calls & calls & calls & calls, etc....ad nauseum. I finally had to change the setting on my phone to answer pushing send only. She is freakin' deranged. She started in on my again today at about 4:30 and I stupidly got sucked in and responded, which is what she wants, but I shouldn't have. She is now telling me all sorts of stuff "So I will know what kind of H I really have." My response was, "Didn't seem to bother you when you started $*(%&@(*$ him." There were more that she sent, but all she is doing is trying to drive a wedge between H and I. I don't think she actually even wants H, I think she wants to win there, but more importantly I think she wants nothing more than he and I to hate each other. I think she would be on her way if she succeeded in driving us apart permanently. I called my cell provider tonight and had her blocked from my phone. If she calls she will get a message saying access to my number has been blocked to her and the text as well. She threatening H and calling repeatedly. He finally just blocked all incoming calls and texts on his phone. She is pretty freakin scary...Bunny Boiler.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I called my cell provider tonight and had her blocked from my phone. If she calls she will get a message saying access to my number has been blocked to her and the text as well. She threatening H and calling repeatedly. He finally just blocked all incoming calls and texts on his phone. She is pretty freakin scary...Bunny Boiler.
Shug,
As I was reading the first part of your post, this was actually what I was going to suggest, so great to see that you did that. As the guy who, I believe, originally said something on here about "watch your bunnies," I do think you need to do whatever you can so that she doesn't contact the two of you, up to and including a restraining order.
I think she lost her hinges long ago!!! I worry about you and your family too. I hope he does the restraining order esp. if she continues the weird behavior. And about the B--I think you predicted that a year or 2 ago didn't you? I'm glad you did all that paperwork. Karen