PM Thread #6 - New Life for Number1 - Me

[PositivelyMommy]

thanks mdoodles and hope.

I am feeling a bit under the weather today so having weird dreams and not being my normally positive self. I can't wait till the kids come back from school. Really miss them today.

mdoodles, I know abt shingles, my H had it at the beginning of all of this. I think the stress of hiding his secret life got to him and he came down with it then pneumonia! He almost died. Most people take an experience like that and thank the lord for a second chance and to change to improve their lives. Nope. Not my H. He drifted into A and fogland. Still has not returned.
BTW, I am not in Long Island but it sounds lovely.


Hope, thanks for your clarity. Yes, I guess you are right. I am now a different person and he doesn't know what to do. I know he must be pis*ed off at me but thankfully I have reached detachment and don't care abt what he thinks of me. I am striving for my happiness now (see thread title).

You are also absolutely correct that MIL is at the mercy of her son. Well put. She knows this and that's why she called me in tears. I guess she is regretful now. I was thinking about it today. I read in another thread that there are three entities in a Marriage, the H, the W and then the M itself.

With my MIL, he was trying to nurturing my H and myself concurrently which was fine but she did not stand up for the M. She neglected our M, she disrespected it by meeting and accepting OW and possibly hosting her ( I haven't confirmed this and don't need to). What she doesn't realise is that the M is what holds families together. It's the glue of everyone. So even if you nurture everyone individually, without the M, the solution is piecemeal and the family unit still breaks apart.

So now, the R between her and I are fractured. The R between her and her son is not good, they don't tell each other what they truly think, trying to walk on eggshells. The R between my kids and her and as best as can be at long distance.

My H is the same. He didn't nurture the M. He kept doing the caveman 'I must provide for family' thing then realized he wasn't happy. He didn't connect with kids. He connected with me but betrayed me. So now he is also alone. The glue is not there.

These people don't see the whole picture. They think they will be just fine, everything normal even if the glue, the M, is gone. It's a misconception. They are not fine. The bonds are broken. They are broken people.