Thanks Puppy. I won't feel sorry for myself though. I trusted W. I gave her the benefit of the doubt even when my gut was starting to get that tingly something isn't right here feeling. I needed to trust her. I needed to believe that she was the caring and loving woman i met and fell in love with. And, somewhere and to some degree I think she still is. Not with me right now mind you...but somewhere in there she is. Honestly, I feel for her. I feel for the pain I can see she is feeling. I feel for her that she is self medicating with copious amounts of alcohol and different guys to cope with whatever is hurting her. I wish she would open up about it...let me in...but she's not there right now. She is unhappy with her life and feels happy when she is out partying with her friends so to her that must be the problem...she is tied down and that makes her unhappy. Realistically, that is not the problem. She has always had a bad image of herself, major self esteem issues, abandonment issues (she's adopted), etc.... She has a lot of past issues and hurt that she doesn't want to confront and so she wants to run away from it. Unfortunately for me and for D3 that also means running away from our M. As much pain as she's caused me and as much hurt as I feel right now...I really wish the best for her. She is a good person deep down. I know she is. I hope that she will get the help she needs to find peace in her life. I had hoped it would be before we divorced and I guess there is still a chance for that. But overall, I hope she gets it no matter what. I want her to find peace and happiness for herself and for D3 because no matter what she will have a part in D3's life and I want D3 to see her mommy happy.
