So it looks like soon I'll have to move to a new forum. We have an appt. Friday morning with a mediator to start the divorce paperwork and I have an appt. next week with a lawyer to go over my rights. Long story short...found out that W had been lying to me about some stuff and has a new "friend". Called her on it and after trying to lie her way out of it she went off on me and ended with "I hate you. We're done. I want a divorce now." I'm not going to fight her on this anymore. It's too much turmoil for me and for D3. So for now the divorce train is gearing up to leave the station. Maybe it can be stopped. Who knows. But for now it looks like full steam ahead. Thanks to everyone for helping me get through this so far and please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as this goes on. I'm pretty numb right now and it's all starting to really sink in. I know I will get through it and that I will be happy but for the moment it's just pretty damn depressing.
Yup...looks like repeated infidelity. Seems the W wants to enjoy the single life as the grass looks so much greener on that side to her. Really kills me that she only seems to be thinking of herself and no thought really of D3. She is going full steam ahead at the moment with the divorce. Can only imagine it's being enabled by her single bar-hopping friends and the new man. So now I have to try to take my feelings for her out of the equation as much as possible and concentrate on myself and D3. Almost have to think of it as a business decision as hard and cold as that sounds. Any advice?
I've been going round and round with the sole custody issue. I'm kinda damned if I do damned if I don't. I think D3 would be definitely better off if I had sole custody. Then of course i would be the person who took her away from her mom who she adores. Also, I worry that if I press for sole custody then W will retaliate with trying for sole custody and what if I get the wrong old fashioned the wife is better for the kid judge who grants W sole custody. I saw that happen to a good friend of mine about 10 years ago. I just can't bear the thought of W getting sole custody of D3. I'm trying to to react too much right now as I'm still pretty angry and emotional about the whole situation. On the repeated infidelity thing here's the story on that. W has been hanging out with this guy she met through some friends. Said they were just friends and that she and her friends all just hang out together. A couple of weeks ago W had the week off and was going to go camping with her friends at the coast for a day. Which turned into 2 days...which turned into 3 days. She took all our camping gear and I trusted that she was camping with friends. So a couple of days ago a card shows up in the mail from a resort on the coast thanking her for her stay. I called the resort and confirmed that she had checked in and she did with this guy. So, I asked her about it this morning (first time I've seen her since it came). First she was like I told you we were just camping. Then I showed her the card and she was like I don't know what that's about. Then I told her I called the resort and confirmed she had checked in with this guy and she went balistic. I told her we should talk about it once we calmed down. A few hours later I get the call that it's over...the divorce train is leaving the station. What a day...
Thanks Puppy. I won't feel sorry for myself though. I trusted W. I gave her the benefit of the doubt even when my gut was starting to get that tingly something isn't right here feeling. I needed to trust her. I needed to believe that she was the caring and loving woman i met and fell in love with. And, somewhere and to some degree I think she still is. Not with me right now mind you...but somewhere in there she is. Honestly, I feel for her. I feel for the pain I can see she is feeling. I feel for her that she is self medicating with copious amounts of alcohol and different guys to cope with whatever is hurting her. I wish she would open up about it...let me in...but she's not there right now. She is unhappy with her life and feels happy when she is out partying with her friends so to her that must be the problem...she is tied down and that makes her unhappy. Realistically, that is not the problem. She has always had a bad image of herself, major self esteem issues, abandonment issues (she's adopted), etc.... She has a lot of past issues and hurt that she doesn't want to confront and so she wants to run away from it. Unfortunately for me and for D3 that also means running away from our M. As much pain as she's caused me and as much hurt as I feel right now...I really wish the best for her. She is a good person deep down. I know she is. I hope that she will get the help she needs to find peace in her life. I had hoped it would be before we divorced and I guess there is still a chance for that. But overall, I hope she gets it no matter what. I want her to find peace and happiness for herself and for D3 because no matter what she will have a part in D3's life and I want D3 to see her mommy happy.
With all due respect, DC, I need to say: "Blccccch."
I know you love her, but -- from my vantage point -- this is not a quality woman of character here. She has made selfish and poor choices -- repeatedly -- and I don't care what her background is, she KNOWS right from wrong, doesn't she??
To excuse serial infidelity on the basis of "they're just confused and hurting" smacks of enabling behavior to me. I'm sorry, but I've just never bought into the whole "adulterers-as-victims" b.s.
I agree with you Puppy to some extent...it is B.S. But I also know that what's best for D3 as well as myself is for W to get the help she needs to get past her issues and to be happy. No matter what happens in the divorce D3 will still have W in some form in her life and she will ultimately be one of her role models. I would hope for the sake of that for W to come to terms with everything and turn out to be a positive one rather than a negative one.
