I haven't been intimate with him in 5 months. Since he moved in his gf.
There is cake eating.....and then--there is CAKE EATING!!!
Well Sandi I don't know if this would be cake eating when I was the one begging him to let me in the door. Yes I BEGGED him to just let me in for a few minutes, then I would pursue sex. He actually would tell me that it wasn't a good idea and it wasn't right. I would have to just about make him have sex with me. Then he would say ok, but no kissing, it brings up too many feelings. I was SOOOOO desperate to have him in my life...it was pathetic. I just now realized how much so, I wish sooo much I would not have acted in this way. There was maybe 1 or 2 times that he would pursue me in the beggining and 1 or 2 times that I didnt have to really MAKE him. Somebody should have tied me up and tranquilized me for 8 months or so.
He sounds like the worst, most arrogant man in the world.....but I'm sure he is just a number amoung many MLC/WAS.
I have to say he is VERY confident and yes sometimes arrogant. Most people say this about him. Some say that he is very cold hearted and very cocky.
I don't know if you have always "spoiled" him or if that was his natural "personality"
I would say YES I spoiled him and he would say he spoiled me too. He always got what he wanted as far as "toys, such as fishing poles and such", he took 4 vacations a year and only one with me. The rest was fishing with buddies and son. Yes, it is some of his personality...It is ALWAYS his way or else. Although, after he left he said I NEVER listened to him and I always had to have things my way.
Don't let anybody do you as low down as he has, sweetie! Why or how did you get to this place of such low self-esteem? Have you been this way the entire time you were M to him or did it start later? It really bothers me (as you can tell) for a man to rough-shod over a woman and her lay down and take it......and ask for more....like you have. Have you ever received any type of counseling? If not, I hope you will seriously consider it.
I DO have low self esteem. I have always thought this. Actually I think it is because the men in my life, including my dad, has always left me behind. I have always had this. I never had a mom that took any time with me. She had alot of nerve problems and anxiety. I basically have laid down and took whatever he dished out becuase honestly I think that NO ONE else will ever want me, so I guess this is why I fought so hard to keep him and why I am so scared. No, I have not found a counselor yet. I really cant afford one and dont know of any free ones. I have spoken with my pastor a few times. Both of my pastors know my xh personally so I dont know how much they can help me, they are close to the situation. I DO want counseling so bad though, would love to talk to somebody.
Tell me what you have done to feel better about "Renee" since the D. What do you do to GAL? I know that you are still too focused on him and you'll continue to be until you drop the rope.
Sandi, should I have long dropped the rope by now? And exactually what would dropping the rope consist of? I know what it means. I have actually been doing alot of stuff. I hardly am ever home at night, I am always at a friends with my nephew along. I am trying to save my home. I am also trying to find a job with better pay and more hours. I start school in August. I want to be an OB Nurse. I am so excited about school. It should take me no more than 3 years or so, but I think I can start working around 1 year and a half or so. I have been going to the tanning bed and I NEED to start working out. I lost a little weight, but would love to lose alot more.
What has the longest period of time been that you have not made some type of contact with him? What do you feel you could do in order to stay busy and keep from contacting him first and just see if he would contact you
The longest period of time without any contact...this means email, texting and phone calls...would be around 1 month and a half to 2 months. I really stopped counting the days. I use to count the days and found it drove me crazy. As far as him contacting me. He will NEVER contact me as long as he has his gf, and dont know if he would after that. He did take my calls until she moved in with him and they broke up twice, then he stopped altogether. If I would call, he would answer, hear my voice and then hang up on me. Even from the beginning of this he didnt contact me but maybe once or twice, that has been over 8 months. BUT why would he have too, when I was calling him EVERYDAY! I was sooooo not in my right mind, couldn't have been. So him contacting me, I dont see it happening. One months and a half seems like a long time when you are wanting so desperately to hear from them, but I know its not that long in his mind. I think the gf has a little to do with this, or maybe she doesn't, but he use to at least tell me he wanted to hear from me every 2 weeks or so, to check up with finances and stuff.
I did see where you seemed concerned (too much) if he would be called a WAS or in MLC. The two are very similar, but for sure he is a WAS! Right? So, what if he is in MLC? Would that make a difference in where you stood?
Yes I have been dwelling on the WAS or MLC thing alot. In the beginning when I first came to this board, people would say and some still do, that if they are in MLC then we should treat it as a disease and love them and treat them like they were sick...but according to some on here if they were a WAS then that was different. So, I have been trying to figure out which one he is, because I thought it made a difference. Really and truly I am sooooo tired of trying to figure out what he is. I am having a hard time thinking that something isnt wrong with him I guess, he is just NOT the man i married and he has become to me like he was to some of his prisioners he took to jail...mean and cold hearted. I saw this man through his surgery and was there for him and would never be this mean to him, even if I wanted the divorce. I dont want to give up on the man I married. Sandi, let me ask you this. Would you stand for your spose if you knew they were just walking away and they were NOT in crisis?
Let me end in saying. I DO NOT see him or go around him anymore, so the abuse has stopped. I also want to say that I respect your opinion and many others on this board. I know that Snodderly and some others are getting agitated with me, because they think I am not listening, when in fact I am, I am just having a hard time understanding why this is happening to me. I know their advice is spot on and I do try to do what they say but its hard to accept this. I have always been one that is "hard headed and never gives up". I will not stop until I completely understand something and that agitates some people. I hate to give up and I am trying so hard not to let this beat my family. I do also most importantly TRUST IN GOD!
