WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

"It hurts that is the finality of this. I continue to go to therapy, but now it feels like its more grief counseling and working on forgiving myself"

Okay, you've had the problem all along which is why you're having such a hard time to detach. You have an all or nothing mentality which is holding you back. You feel that if you don't do anything, you've given up and if you actively do something (pursue) you're working on your marriage.

The thing is that when you don't do anything YOU ARE WORKING ON YOUR MARRIAGE! When you detach you are working on your marriage. When you go dark, you're working on your marriage. You haven't given up so stop thinking like you have.

Stuck,

I guess I really have been posting alot and you have really been the rock and consistent supporter for me. What you pointed out (all or none mentality) has always been an opportunity for me. I typically living in the extreme ends of spectrums. My "gray area" skills are very learned so that they are not very natural for me. It works well for me during business negotations as those are very tactical and analytical, so there is very little stress for me in my mind so I can manage them extremely well.

This is where it fails me as, like most people, under stress they resort to their natural tendencies - which is at the extremes. I keep trying to remind myself through reading/posting/prayer of what I need to do, but it is so hard as it does not come natural to me.

I do know that doing nothing is something. And working on me is working on the relationship as I need to be the best I can be to be in the type of relationship I want to be in. I just want it to be with my wife.

I just want it all back to "normal" so bad, as do all of us here do.

Thanks for being there for me