WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

hey cnpa just catching up, I wanted to comment on this:

Me: Wait at least 30 minutes to respond, but thank her for the FYI. If there is a specific question (i.e. what time to pick up, etc), I will respond just to the question, but just strictly business, no chit/chat.

If you make a pattern of this she will see right through it. In fact I think she knows you are doing it on purpose right now. She is taking this as more pursuing.

In my book this is game playing, I understand why you think you should do it but Its very fake .... its not you.

To make things simple just treat her like a friend. Before you react to something simply ask yourself would I react this way towards a friend.

If a friend sent you a text would you wait 30min to reply?

just reply when you want.

I know this is a small issue but its kind of an example of how you handel some things...you seem to handle things based on you wifes reaction.
Forget about what she thinks and be you.
Dont be who you think she would want it does not work that way.

She wants you, the guy she married, its not the guy you are now and its not the guy who neglected her.

Every time you do things out of character it confuses her.

Theroadback,

That's a very good point you brought up. Dark is so out of charachter for me. I can see it being applied relative to me not initiating calls/contact right now (although it is definitely not in character for me prior to her falling off my radar).

People are saying that Dark will protect/help me with detachment, but when I started dating, we talked or were together all the time. Perhaps it was an unhealthy way to start our relationship, as I can see it created a significant dependency issue in our relationship. I think she started seeing it a few years ago and I am just starting to see it now. The book Love Without Hurt really helped me understand it better.

I really like the strategy of how I would respond/react if it was a friend - relative to responding to text/calls. I would respond when I had time. So if I was at my desk, I would respond right away. If I was in a meeting, I would wait till the end of the meeting to respond (unless it was a boring meeting, then I may text right away).

Not sure if that would really work/help in my situation though, but feel that would be more in character/normal for me.

Anyone else have comments on this?