Today was ok, H is talking about moving back in, he is working on rebalancing his new lifestyle. The constant going to work, attending meetings daily, and on weekends running back and forth between his place and mine and meetings led up to our arguing last weekend, and his walking out. Almost same stuff different day, what was different, he didn't drink, he kept checking in on me and trying to talk it out, didn't once suggest we quit.
I think I was the one who had second thoughts. There are just some things we don't agree on and at times it troubles both of us. In addition, I can't be sure that he won't resort to drinking. He's working on rebalancing his lifestyle, and incorporating what he is learning. I am still looking for that wonderful life I expected when we first got M - maybe next lifetime.
Trust and rebuilding... it still makes me nervous. When does it end or how do we get there? How will I know we are there or not? Kind of distracted and unfocused tonight. It's three months away and things are ok, why am I so nervous already. Will this go away?
