Here's the thing...I have of course been trying to decide whether it is cake eating at this point, as I have heard everyone here say it is different in every sitch. At first, H wouldn't even touch me. Wouldn't even hug me. My H is 32 years old, and pretty good looking (if I do say so myself!!) and I would rather him get his kicks from me than from someone else. That being said, I am 31 years old and not too shabby myself. I have needs as well. This was only the 2nd time since the separation...and it only happened way after I started DBing and noticing some positive reaction. I am not trying to say it ISN'T cake eating...but I just think there is a fine line. He is my husband after all, he knows me well, and he made it really hard to say no!!! So, I guess for now I am going to eliminate the opportunity for this to happen again. I will try to limit our meetings at the house, since this is the easiest place to have it happen...and see if the DBing continues to work. As the book DR suggests, I made a list of goals for what would indicate he has been rethinking things...and a possible reconciliation, and as of yesterday, (AFTER ML) I can cross another goal off my list which was including me in a future plan. He also made reference to "whatever happens with us" and wanting to move up North when he transfers. I do not know if he meant as a family, or what he thought might happen with us, but I didn't ask...I just listened. And when I thought the R talk was starting to get too intense I backed off. And I changed the subject...and that is when we talked about God, faith, and going to church and he said he would like to go with us. It was great...and that in itself is what has filled me with hope, more than the ML. It was something entirely different for us to consider than we would ever have done previously in our R. I just hope he follows through, but I am going to either way. I know this will take time. I am not going into it blindly. And I know there is a chance that he is cake eating or that is what it will become if I continue...when H left, he said he didn't want to be my lover anymore. It hurt especially because that has always been a bonus (great sex up until bomb!!!) in our R. I guess I don't mind the validation that that was a bunch of B.S.
So, in a sense I AM getting what I want right now. I wanted some sex...and I wanted some positive feedback from my DB efforts. Got both...now for the future...I want my H back and my family back together and if that means cutting him off from cake eating, that is what I will do. How do I do this and not rock the boat as far as re-establishing our friendship?? Any ideas Burt or do you just recognize the cake eating for what it is????
