Now, stop being judgmental and projecting your values on him about his kids. Start relaxing and opening your mind to the idea that his relationship with his kids is a work in progress. Just like his relationship with the rest of the world including you.
Too late. I agreed to go to lunch with him (stupid) and it was so boring and he commented on how he'd never seen me so quiet.
He mentioned a friend who had decided not to separate due to financial reasons and was going to try again with his GF (mother of his child). I said something about choices and we were off.
AND, it all came out...about rock star and the kids thinking you have to leave your family in order to really pursue your dreams and I can't even say it all because it was just about everything I've said here.
And at one point he said it was all about the kids and all of my reasons for wanting to try are all about the kids and I sort of took that in and later mentioned that it is not just about that but I am not going to put energy into trying to love someone who does not want to love me back.
Later, I, in a very heartfelt and sincere manner told him that one of the best memories I have of the last few years was when we went away just the two of us and it was so wonderful. This was actually a moment that I could see something in him.
He talked about how he doesn't think that worrying about me hooking up with someone or my kids having a step dad is a good reason for us to try again. I said that these are reasons to try to deal with our own issues and try to see if there is anything there to work with.
He said something about being friends and I mentioned the Nietzche quote about being friends and married and that if we are friends and sexually attracted to each other and have these beautiful children, I just don't see the point.
Then he went to the old standby..."see, you always had to dictate and have things your way, just like right now"...I said "ok, so me wanting our marriage and our family to come first is why we can't be married?"
Blah, blah, blah...
He had mentioned somewhere in there that there has to be some acceptance. I said that there absolutely is and I am prepared to live my life as a woman who was married. It is just hard to watch the train wreck and know that we're the ones steering the train.
I did a sucky job on all fronts of DBing. I validated a tiny bit. But, he brought up issues that I defended. He says that I said no other woman would ever want him...I get that he's proving me wrong now (I don't even remember saying that).
He said something about me dating other people. I said I might go out on a date but I will not be romantic while I'm married. He said with guilty tone, "but we're not together, we're separated." I actually hit the table. "We are married." And I get that he is living as a single man (he did not deny) just said "we're separated." I said something about his EA's before we separated and that it doesn't even matter now.
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I don't know what I'm doing. I think I almost want it just to be over. It is too damn hard.
Lucky, I think that getting to that list is too much for me right now. I will do it but thinking of all of the reasons I love him is too painful at the moment.
The only major clues I took away are that he feels this is all about the kids and not him and once early in argument/convo, he said that this is not helping my cause. I said, "what cause? I don't have a cause. You've already left."
I can't think of one thing I left out. Even brought up his dad...aaargh. I don't see this as helpful but I had all of this on my mind and there was no closing the box once it opened.
