Trying to stay strong

[hopeful_cb]

Thanks for the help drew

I haven't heard anything from H, I keep going between angry and a 'whatever' attitude. He said he couldn't meet last night then on his fb he posted he was 'bored bored bored' yeh, real busy, can't meet...right. more and more sounds like an excuse. I could try to figure out why, but every time I get drawn in I think...'Stop, don't waste your time, you will never know.' Just gotta keep doing that now til I can do it automatically...

Been stressed out this week still. I finished my 1st essay and submitted it online just now. SO glad that is done and over with. Now I need to focus on the 2nd one that is due next thursday, I dont expect the pressure to let up until then, and the last thing I need on top of this is to worry about H and all his sh*t. I have even been considering that if he does call I may not answer, I am stressed out enough.

I had a terrible night last night, I was really upset for most of the night and crying. I don't know what hit me but something did. This always happens when I am tired and stressed, I don't feel as strong and have nobody to lean on w.o H for support. I know I can do this, I have before, its just harder without any help from anyone.

I signed up for a daily devotional to be sent to my email every day, I read some of those through my tears last night and that seemed to help some. And then I wrote in my journal.

Gosh, I had more to say but lost my train of thought so I'll leave it at that tonight....