Why not?

[AJM]

yep, and while you are focusing more on the positive aspects, which BTW will enhance your relationship and change the way the both of you interact, you might want to think about this:

Me!!!! Wonderful, devoted and fabulous me. And it is who I want to be and I am trying avoid making this black and white and blaming and perceiving myself as a victim.

Know what I think? If you think he's making you do this, then you should go ahead and have him take full custody of the kids. That'll save you from having to deal with their issues.

Bullshit. Stop feeling sorry that you have the privilege of raising the kids and helping them as well as yourself through difficult times. That's not you. That's not what you meant. So stop letting those feelings get into your head.

Being positive is tough work. I can say that in all honesty. And believe me, it's not some bs I just spout. I know it to be true and I live on the same planet you do. I live with the same self-doubt you do. I live with the wondering. The kids issues. I too am a single parent. I cherish each and every day and I would gladly fight my WAS tooth and nail to have the privilege of raising my kids as the sole parent. I think you would too. You just don't have to fight him for it - saves you time and money.

Now, stop being judgmental and projecting your values on him about his kids. Start relaxing and opening your mind to the idea that his relationship with his kids is a work in progress. Just like his relationship with the rest of the world including you.

Now back to you. You are on the right path figuring out what and who you are outside the home. Go for it. Figure that out now while you're wondering what else to work out for you.... That's what makes you so awesome!
AJ