Who was left with S6's tantrum last night? Who puts the boys to bed each night? Who spins porcupig stories and makes it all better? Who pulls the household together? Who figures out how to purchase food and clothes and shoes for the boys on a fragmented and sporatic income? Who is picking up the pieces all on her own?
Me!!!! Wonderful, devoted and fabulous me. And it is who I want to be and I am trying avoid making this black and white and blaming and perceiving myself as a victim. Because I have some major sh*t to work on. And, I was quite the miserable b*tch at points in the R and maybe that is understandable under the circumstances and maybe I need to just say "see, I was right about him and I knew he'd abandon us." But, my gut and my heart and my mind tell me there is more to it and this is our mutual creation.
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Which innocent beings are going to suffer from abandonment issues (or "falling short issues," if that makes you feel better) in their relationships for the rest of their lives?
What do I do about this? Makes me want to stay connected, control, tell him what I really think, maybe go to a child behaviorist myself, tell her what is really going on and then have him go see her so she can lay it out for him. But we both know that no one can teach you how to be a man or deeply value something you just don't.
I can't save them from him and his shortcomings. That is my trap. I'm not sure which way to go.
If I implied you are crazy...my bad!!! Lucky, I'd be saying the same things to you and I KNOW it. I have been complaining about these issues for so long. It is has come to a head.
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You are much more of a goddess than I.
Hmmm...I don't think "goddess" fits. I think I'm ultra-conscious of how my current actions, behaviors and interpretations of what is happening impact more people than just myself. I think I could actually use a good dose of Lucky mojo.
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I need a different picture painted for me here to come up with different advice. One that doesn't illustrate your H's choices and escapades. One that doesn't illustrate the suffering of you and the kids.
I need to think about what it is that makes me think he's still a good guy and why I can't pull off, "he's an a**hole and I want nothing to do with him."
