WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[MrBond]

"It hurts that is the finality of this. I continue to go to therapy, but now it feels like its more grief counseling and working on forgiving myself"

Okay, you've had the problem all along which is why you're having such a hard time to detach. You have an all or nothing mentality which is holding you back. You feel that if you don't do anything, you've given up and if you actively do something (pursue) you're working on your marriage.

The thing is that when you don't do anything YOU ARE WORKING ON YOUR MARRIAGE! When you detach you are working on your marriage. When you go dark, you're working on your marriage. You haven't given up so stop thinking like you have.

You've gone dark for what...3 days and you complain that your M is over? C'mon. Try saying that to the people who were waiting for 3 years without a response from their spouse and who have just heard back from them wanting to work on the M.

You go to church, so you believe in God. Well, you can't see God, touch Him or hear Him. But you believe in him. That's what you have to do hear. You give all your burdens to Him and have FAITH that things will work out. You are having a very hard time letting go.

Since you saw the movie Fireproof, that's a perfect example. His W file for D, they didn't talk to each other even though they live together. But he detached and left everything up to God. It's scary to let go. But you have to get there somehow.

You can do it. Let her go emotionally and let the chips fall where they may. You are not her, you can't figure out what she's thinking. so stop saying "i don't know/understand why she..." Clarity will come soon enough when the time is right. You can do it.