On being the best O'Dog I can be

[orangedog]

@lucky
Yeah, I need to go there. I've taken a nice little vacation but I need to get back to work.

Meds masking the pain? Possible but that is certainly not the intent. I've been (finally!!!) dx'd with dysthymia (low grade chronic depression) and was happy to learn p-doc has mostly r/o'd bipolar II (need a few more months of stable moods). I have been gray for years with deeper periods of occasional happiness and unexplained sadness, and things were only getting worse . This med and current course of therapy are really the first things that have worked. Yes, we need to experience our pain but I've had too much of it. It killed my enthusiasm for life and love. Thich Nhat Hanh said, "To love is to be there" and we certainly can't begin to love if we don't love ourselves first.


@Thinker
Quote: "Being happy in our R is too risky for her as it would open her up to emotional risks and pain. She can't feel happy in our R right now because she does not feel emotionally safe in it."

I feel she's going through the same thing. I get little bits of warmth and emotional releases but overall she's guarded. And now I'm going through the same exact thing.


@city
You are the toughest girl I know.


@SP
I'm dealing with the dilemma of "tough love" too. How far do we let our loved one fall? How do we remain compassionate and keep the door open?


@Coach
Quote: "You can't hurt me if I'm not afraid of you". I thought my "retreat" was a show of confidence ("I'm too strong to show I care") but perhaps it is just a shield from the truth.


@all
I'm afraid to be open again to someone who's already walked away. In a sense she told me I wasn't good enough, or valuable enough to stay in her life. One of the things I must do is work through these things; to let the ripples calm so I can see the reflection clearly. Emotions must be free to enter and free to leave. Only then can we understand why they are there.