I just saw this that Coach had posted to another person on this board, and I thought it was so excellent that I wanted to post it here too!
"Self-validating (love yourself) is the armor. You can't hurt me if I'm not afraid of you. This is the work we all must do and is required to have an authentic journey. Two warriors doing battle toe to toe realise that neither one will win. The stronger, wiser and more confident one will drop his shield first and offer his hand in peace. That gesture speaks volumes. Lead on." - Coach
That kind of truth and wisdom speaks volumes too! Thanks Coach!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I'm working on a response to her last E-mail to me. This is what I've come up with, with some help from you good folks here...
"Wife, I've been thinking a lot about this vacation, and as much as I was really looking forward to the trip, I guess I didn't truly put myself in your shoes and think more about how you would feel if our kids were away for 12 days. How about if we reconfigure our trip for a shorter period of time, and maybe we can do some day trips or something...or maybe we could break the trip into 2 parts and come back for a couple of days in the middle. Could I leave them with you during that time? I know I'd miss them too, if we were apart for that long. I think this might work out for all of us. Thanks,
antlers"
Let me know what ya'll think?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I'm great, my W confuses the heck out of me, but I'm doing great.
I'm glad you're doing great! I understand. They don't know what they want...they only know what they don't want!
Saw some great stuff posted by Thinker earlier..."Being happy in our R is too risky for her as it would open her up to emotional risks and pain. She can't feel happy in our R right now because she does not feel emotionally safe in it."
He went on to say..."So this knowledge that "positive emotions make you vulnerable" helps me to understand. Until my W trusts that the disrespectfulness, judgmentalness, criticism, cynicism, etc are gone from my side of the R and she feels emotionally safe, she is not going to allow herself to be happy and have fun.
This understanding helps me to be patient and not get too frustrated..."
There are some insightful people on this board!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I come across your postings to newcomers to the board and you sound so strong and I know you have grown as a person in a great way. You are so good for people here and I hope you will continue to work hard and keep giving good advice to newcomers. Nothing gives us wisdom like learning from the School of Hard Knocks. You have learned a lot and that experience and knowledge can be a guide to many people here.
As you see, there will always be bumps along the road, but I am confident that you, Antlers, are going to be just fine. You sound so different from the way you did when you first arrived here. I am proud of you. You are evidence of a man who was determined to change! Nobody can say it can't be done b/c you have proved otherwise.
I will talk to you later. Take care and continue to GAL!
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
