Hey JAK, S6 is good. he went for his re-check today and everything was good.
Me on the other hand , well Im completely stressed out. between the work I have gotten behind on, the house and the kids bickering all day, im at my wits end.. with no sleep.
H is also tired, he was up 2 days in a row, and had a bad day today, so he is going to be in rare form tonight. I don't expect him home anytime soon though.
What makes me so friggin fustrated is he never validates that the fact that im worn out to. i was up every night with S6 since Last thursday then stayed with him in the hospital over night and got now sleep, not to mention being worried sick about him.
All he wants is someone to feel sorry for him, but he NEVER says anything to me about how much I do around here...
It all about him, and im tired of it. Im hoping he works this wkend so i don't have to deal with "his drama"
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I got the number of a therapist from my friend and im going to call tomorrow. Im going for IC right now. I really need to talk to someone because im struggling again with all of this.
He left yesterday to go out of state. He will be back tomorrow. But the whole time he has been gone ive been so depressed and just thinking "am I ever going to trust him again" and I know the text's to that girl were innocent.. but what if they had met? Seeing how his state of mind was, something could have happend very easily, and im getting that sick sick feeling all over again.
I hate what this is doing to me. This is not what I thought my life would be like. I don't deserve this. I know that im not perfect, but when things get bad, I don't go looking elsewhere. I guess that's what worries me, I have to question if we get in fight etc.. ok so now is he going to start looking for someone??? This is no way to live.
Just me spouting off again, same old same old...
Then I go and get my hair cut right.. only to buy a new curling iron which ended up torching my hair and I had to get another inch off.. now its up to my shoulders and looks like crap...nothing is making me happy these days, and I never used to be like this.
He keeps on asking me if I miss him... its like yea.. im just going through some stuff. He doesn't understand or he just doesn't know how to handle it.
Hopefully the therapist can shed some light on how im supposed to cope.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
That is why i think C for you and for the 2 of u is in order. Will H go on his own 2?
I feel for you. I really do I know how you feel about the contact innocent or not but, you have to focus on your M and most of all you. I will try to call today. Hugs talk later J
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I am thinking about you and praying for you and your family. I know how difficult rebuilding and maintaining the trust can be, especially when you have been so hurt in the past. But it will always be an obstacle to overcome, even with new relationships.
I am confident that IC and MC will help the both of you. Trust is a something that takes time and it takes constant work. It will also require a lot of compassion and sensitivity to each other's thoughts and feelings -- and those in turn can be aided by counseling.
Your H may seem to be by nature a callous lout, but that is simply the natural state for us males. Now this is not a valid excuse because all of us (men) can learn to be less "insensitive" about such things -- we just have to learn to work harder at what might come more easily to women. But we are certainly not incapable of it.
By the same token women can learn to appreciate the differences as well, without condescension, and trying to be a bit more understanding of each gender's gifts and handicaps.
Sorry, that was bit of a tangent.
The point is that I have found counseling very constructive to helping me better understand the subtle dynamics between men and women, things I thought I knew but not really. And I came to realize that my xW has always taken it for granted that solely because she is a female she automatically has full and complete savvy with regards to human interactions and the nature of both men and women. The reality is that she is just as lost as any of us, and more so. Her overconfidence has blinded her to the subtle but important nuances of reality.
Yes I do think that an IC will help him understand how destructive it can be to do the things he has done. Maybe it will take someone elst telling him...
UGGGG... S3 is sick now.. I swear I can't win!! He woke up with a 103 fever this morning.. so we are off to the dr.'s. Hopefully its nothing major.. but with my luck
Definately going to take a nap with him today, I feel like Im getting something...
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
