Why not?

[AJM]

I would just try to make peace with loving him from a distance.

Yes, my experience of D from my childhood really impacts my feelings about this. And, I was blessed to have a step-dad who is now my "real" dad and I love him dearly but my childhood sucked.

H mentioned today about how he was just getting used to life in Europe and I validated. He mentioned wanting to split his time. It really got me thinking that there could be a significant OW there. I have thought that before but I sure feel that he is being pulled. It could be the lure of the limelight, that is a strong force but being away from his kids this much? I don't know.

For some reason having to pull the trigger is so hard as I want something so very different for my children

Peace with loving him from a distance? How about just making peace with yourself for now? Baby steps. You can't love somebody until you can love yourself. You know that. It is painful to do.

You don't know there is another woman. You know that he has taken the intimacy from you. That's the facts. But that's as far as facts go and from there it is pure conjecture. Part of your FUD coming to the surface and dancing on the table.

Wanting better for your children is a natural thing. I can relate. I do the same. Sometimes its all we have to go forward on. But be honest - the best for your children is what is best for you. They need to see and feel their mother happy and content in life. Happiness and contentment come from within and are in part dependent on your perspective of things around you. You know that already, but like the rest of us are struggling with it. Struggle anyway.

And I am not starting some feminist rant...it is just women will usually give up more of their dreams to focus on their children.

He has abandoned your children, and that's IT for me.

I know these weren't your posts, but this kind of advice interests me. Reminds me of different perspectives. It's bullshit and completely off-base, but it fascinates me. I say that because it shows that because the love is not shown in a way the poster(s) want it shown, it therefore must not be love for the kids. That's bullshit out and out. Rethink that before you accept that as truth. It's important here. I say that because I know many many many people that have focused on "other things" besides their spouse only to find their spouse eventually left. First emotionally then physically. The LBS was shocked. Floored. Enraged.

I can understand the anger. I do. Is he, in his current form, worth what you are doing? Of course not. That's not why you do this. Your kids? Well, they deserve your efforts, but they are not the reason when all is said and done. You are. What you want from yourself and what you want from a spouse is what is important. Instinctively you know that.

As long as you put something else between you and your spouse, you will have issues of separation. You will have distance. Don't look for ways to drop the kids. Of course I'm not saying that. I'm talking about your own priority levels. Your own perspective. How to include all of them and prioritize properly.

Think about it.

Have you figured out why you are tired yet?

AJ