NOt to get off subject or anything, but is it just me or do you all have pictures in your head of what everyone on here must look like?? I am not trying to ask what everyone looks like, I just think it is funny that I have a picture in my head of each poster, and they are probably SO off!!!!!!!! Lol. Just a funny thought!!
NOt to get off subject or anything, but is it just me or do you all have pictures in your head of what everyone on here must look like?? I am not trying to ask what everyone looks like, I just think it is funny that I have a picture in my head of each poster, and they are probably SO off!!!!!!!! Lol. Just a funny thought!!
LOL...you're so silly. Ya, I guess I've formulated some pictures. Funny.
When exactly do you SLEEP? I am convinced that you don't:)
I understand how badly you must feel for your kids. I don't know how your H lives with himself. We all have dreams but when you throw kids in the mix we have to alter those dreams. It is always interesting how in many sitches it is still usually the women who have to alter their lives for children much more than the men will. And I am not starting some feminist rant...it is just women will usually give up more of their dreams to focus on their children.
But you are strong and seem to be doing as well as can be expected. I think you are on the right track with focusing on your kids and doing what needs to be done. WHEN he turns back up then you can see if you are still interested. I KNOW it is not easy. As I said to a friend , I don't NEED my H in order to survive. All I really need is God but I WANT and LOVE my H and there lies the rub. I know you don't NEED your H but you WANTED him, right? And let us face it, we have certain needs that can never be met by children or other family members.LOL...wink wink.
Anyhow,we will have a big ole DB retreat someday and we will alll be looking back laughing remembering where we were and how far we have come...
By the way, how are you taking care of AK? Are you exercising, giving yourself a facial and manicure etc. Getting into some aromatheraphy? What makes you feel good? Hope you are keeping that stuff up.
I don't understand cosmic, yoda-like selfless love and acceptance as an answer to your H's behavior. You don't have to accept him. For what purpose? You can work out a visitation schedule without accepting him, without trusting someone who has proven that he cannot be trusted.
He has abandoned your children, and that's IT for me. You don't need to worry about making yourself a doormat... By going along with HIS plan that doesn't consider you or your children, you are spreading your kids out for him to walk on as well.
FOR WHAT?
Get tough!
Even if you are hung up on him coming back (oy vay,) he won't come back this way. He'll need to see you moving forward to a better life, taking care of yourself, and protecting the boys from further damage. I would bet that you're boring to him right now.
I would just try to make peace with loving him from a distance.
Yes, my experience of D from my childhood really impacts my feelings about this. And, I was blessed to have a step-dad who is now my "real" dad and I love him dearly but my childhood sucked.
H mentioned today about how he was just getting used to life in Europe and I validated. He mentioned wanting to split his time. It really got me thinking that there could be a significant OW there. I have thought that before but I sure feel that he is being pulled. It could be the lure of the limelight, that is a strong force but being away from his kids this much? I don't know.
For some reason having to pull the trigger is so hard as I want something so very different for my children
Peace with loving him from a distance? How about just making peace with yourself for now? Baby steps. You can't love somebody until you can love yourself. You know that. It is painful to do.
You don't know there is another woman. You know that he has taken the intimacy from you. That's the facts. But that's as far as facts go and from there it is pure conjecture. Part of your FUD coming to the surface and dancing on the table.
Wanting better for your children is a natural thing. I can relate. I do the same. Sometimes its all we have to go forward on. But be honest - the best for your children is what is best for you. They need to see and feel their mother happy and content in life. Happiness and contentment come from within and are in part dependent on your perspective of things around you. You know that already, but like the rest of us are struggling with it. Struggle anyway.
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And I am not starting some feminist rant...it is just women will usually give up more of their dreams to focus on their children.
He has abandoned your children, and that's IT for me.
I know these weren't your posts, but this kind of advice interests me. Reminds me of different perspectives. It's bullshit and completely off-base, but it fascinates me. I say that because it shows that because the love is not shown in a way the poster(s) want it shown, it therefore must not be love for the kids. That's bullshit out and out. Rethink that before you accept that as truth. It's important here. I say that because I know many many many people that have focused on "other things" besides their spouse only to find their spouse eventually left. First emotionally then physically. The LBS was shocked. Floored. Enraged.
I can understand the anger. I do. Is he, in his current form, worth what you are doing? Of course not. That's not why you do this. Your kids? Well, they deserve your efforts, but they are not the reason when all is said and done. You are. What you want from yourself and what you want from a spouse is what is important. Instinctively you know that.
As long as you put something else between you and your spouse, you will have issues of separation. You will have distance. Don't look for ways to drop the kids. Of course I'm not saying that. I'm talking about your own priority levels. Your own perspective. How to include all of them and prioritize properly.
Think about it.
Have you figured out why you are tired yet?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
